My First Montana Summer

With July coming to a close, but with no summer no where near done (there's still time to hike in August and September!!), I should probably do a recap of what my first Montana summer has been like!

My summer really kicked off in late May, when I started some of my first hikes into the Bitterroot Mountains, which I had been staring at ALL winter and couldn't wait to get into!

Kootenai Creek hike: May 17th. The creek was more like a raging river at this point, with all the snow we got this winter! The spring runoff was something I had never seen before and it was a sight to behold! We went about 5 or 6 miles round trip, and the trail wasn't too strenuous or remarkable, but the roaring creek was mesmerizing to watch! I was just happy to be in the mountains finally :)

Rattlesnake Wilderness hike: May 24th. Almost 17 miles round trip! My feet were certainly aching by the end. Claire, Ari, and I decided to do a girl's only hike. The trail was pretty flat for the entire thing, and we wanted to hike to the wilderness boundary which was 8 miles in. Even at a brisk walk, it still took us quite a while for the round trip! Probably because of the half hour it took us to attempt to make a fire during our lunch break! Hey, we tried to make a fire with damp wood so you can't blame us. At least we tried. The highlight of the hike for me were the old apple trees we came across that were in full and glorious bloom! Sure was a sight to see.

Blodgett Canyon hike, Memorial Day (May 26th). Even though this was two days after that crazy 17 mile long hike, I wasn't as sore as I expected I would be. The falls were a couple miles in and were fantastic! Blodgett Creek was in its full, roaring runoff and I couldn't help but stop and just stare at it several times during the hike. At some points it was so high that the trail was under some water, and I loved it. Nothing better than getting muddy on an awesome hike!

The weekend of June 7th I flew to AZ for a weekend! I was supposed to get in on Friday in time for Hannah's wedding but Allegiant SUCKS and they cancelled my flight :( so I missed her wedding! I was SO sad. But I still got to go home for about 1.5 days (haha!) and best of all, I made it in time to go through the Gilbert Temple and receive my own endowments! By far the most important and coolest day of my life thus far. The temple has been an even bigger blessing in my life ever since.

I love my family!

So after that short-lived trip, I was back in Montana (basically the love of my life). Summer really started to take hold in June. The days were warm, the mornings chilly, and I love every minute of it! 

June 13th- Wes came into town to visit and drive my old Honda back to AZ after I bought my new car (my beloved Chevy Cruze, whom I call Tom). I took him for a short hike into the Rattlesnake, a drive up Pattee Canyon, a hike to Blodget Canyon overlook, Naps Grill (best burger you will ever have in your entire life) Skalkaho Canyon, and Sunday we went for an afternoon drive up to Flathead Lake. Basically I showed him some of the best places that southwestern Montana has to offer. I'm assuming he loved it :) 

June 20th I drove down to Utah, ready and excited for an entire week with the family at Lake Powell!!! Our Utah cousins (somehow related to us=cousins) have a week on a houseboat every year, and this year we were invited, all of us! It was, by far, one of the best vacations I have had in a long time. I got (mostly) over my fear of deep water, but absolutely not over my fear of tubing (I scream bloody murder the entire time. yes i am 25 years old). We went for a hike up a slot canyon where I was begrudgingly forced to climb up these ridiculous cliffs and waterfalls. I scraped up my knees pretty good, and after tiring myself out on my first attempt to climb the cliff with a rope (hint: it did not go over well) I was physically lifted up the waterfall basically against my will! Okay so I'm still glad I did it (I think) but I was kind of in a bad mood, given that I was glad to just go back and hang out at the boat, haha! It was a pretty cool canyon though. The rest of the trip went by just wonderfully, and we even had moose steaks one night (thanks Lance!) that were to die for. Literally, that moose died for those steaks but it was worth it (sorry moose). After an amazing week, I was headed back by myself for the lonely drive, first to Bear Lake to spend the night at Shantelle's family's cabin, and then to finish the rest of my drive after church on Sunday. Then it was back to work!

I'll finish recapping the summer sometime in September, given that there is SO MUCH going on in August! There are still many more adventures in the making! 

The Friend Zone

How many of you have ever uttered the words "Man, she friend-zoned me" or "I put him in the friend- zone"?

Well, I am going to make a motion that we do away with this so-called "friend-zone" because here's what I think:

The friend-zone is a myth. I mean, kind of. I will admit it exists, but only because men make it exist.

Now, you may be all up in arms right about now saying "Well, I wanted to date her but she only wanted to be friends with me!" or "That guy wouldn't leave me alone and he kept asking me out so the only answer was the put him in the FZ".

Notice how the man side of the FZ makes the man out to be the victim, while the woman's side of the FZ makes her out to be the instigator of the friend-zoning.

I may be in the minority here, but I think that men use the excuse of being "friend-zoned" to cover up the damage to their egos that happens when they get turned down by a woman. Instead of just saying "well, she must just not be interested in me", the blame is turned to the woman, insisting that she just won't give the nice guys a chance. Nice guys always get put in the FZ, right?

Women, let's start being completely clear with our feelings and intentions. If it appears that a guy is interested in you, but you are just not feeling it, tell him! Every guy I have talked to about this subject agrees that it would just be nice to know straight up if a woman is interested in dating or not. Men get this idea of us "friend-zoning" them because we beat around the bush, give out "hints", avoid them, and play games. How about we all be mature about this rather silly dating business and just be clear and honest with everyone?

Now, men: there is such a thing as a woman simply not being interested. And if it appears to you that a woman has put you in the dreaded FZ, then MOVE ON. Seriously. She IS NOT INTERESTED in dating you. That's not a reason to call her a prude, or make her out to be some sort of floozy that enjoys leading men on. When a woman says she wants to be "just friends", don't blame it on her by saying she put you in the friend zone. Just don't.

I don't like the fact that being friends with someone of the opposite sex has turned into such a taboo. I'm sure many of you have seen this video  which makes it appear that men and women cannot be just friends. They edited that video in such a way to make it appear so, but I really believe that men and women can be friends. Do people really believe that there are only two options when it comes to relationships between men and women? Dating or nothing at all?

I'm pretty sure I am a living example of how this isn't true. I have had many guy friends throughout my life that I never had serious romantic feelings for, just feelings of pure friendship. I'm sure most of them could say the same about me. And if I'm wrong about this then those guys need to speak up...haha!

I saw a tweet recently that said "The friend-zone is for guys who won't be absolutely clear about their intentions. It's boyfriend or acquaintance. Friendship isn't an option"(@iMattBrooks). Although I absolutely agree with the first sentence (I have a hard time wanting to date or even be interested in a guy if he doesn't make his intentions clear) I'm not sure I agree with the rest of it. Men and women can be friends. They can hang out without hooking up. They can have conversations without flirting. They can keep things platonic between them while still managing to have fun together.

Am I wrong here? Am I being completely crazy or oblivious?

All I am trying to get at, is that men need to stop playing the victim when they get turned down by a woman, and women need to be honest when turning down a man for a date or relationship. Let's turn this whole dating "game" into something more mature and a lot less confusing. Who's with me? No more using the phrase "friend-zone". Let's just call it as it is: guys, she's just not that into you.

Me <-------- idiot.

Yesterday, to celebrate Mother's Day for myself (because I am the mother of all awesomeness) I decided to make homemade honey wheat bread (one loaf for myself, one for work. Plot twist: it turned out great).

As I was pulling the second loaf out of the oven, the pan slipped from my hot-pad covered fingers.

It fell (in seemingly slow motion) and I fully expected the very-obviously-glass bread pan to shatter on impact. However, to my great surprise, it simply bounced on the ground and unceremoniously dumped the golden loaf of bread onto the (thankfully freshly mopped) floor.

I quickly picked up the loaf of slightly squashed but still edible bread off the floor. As I reached down to pick up the pan, I started to say to it:

"Thank you for not breaking!"

Instead, as my (BARE) fingers closed around the edge of the freshly-removed-from-the-oven-and-so-is-obviously-still-hot pan, the sentence came out more like this:

"Thank you for being EFFING HOT HOLY SHIT!"

After which I dropped the pan again, turned to the sink and began running my poor burnt thumb and two fingers under the cold water. But wait! It is a crime not to bread minutes after removing it from the oven! So I quickly slice myself a hunk of delicious, warm bread (while being near tears

Run For the Trees 10K

I love small races. When there is only 100 or so people running, that makes the likelihood of me being dead last very, very real. So I have to step up my game. 

I made a goal to run a race every month of this year, and so far it's been going well. This is my third race since foot surgery, and although the first two miles were kind of hard, I hit the sweet spot around mile 3 and cruised from there. 

 The course took us along the river, through some neighborhoods and then straight through the middle of the University of Montana. It was cool because I had never been on campus before, and it's a beautiful campus! The only students I saw were two guys carrying a couch across the grass lawn. Haha, typical. 

The course was marked by orange cones with arrows on them. On campus there was one arrow that wasn't exactly clear, leading to me and a couple other people to go the wrong direction and consequently run an extra mile! I'm not complaining though, extra mile is extra calories burned and I wasn't going for a personal record anyway! 

Luckily there was a guy in our group of lost runners who remembered the course map and got us back on track. I'm glad there were other people close by when I couldn't figure out which way to go because I never would've been able to find my way back! Haha. Missoula is still a bit of a mystery to me. 

It ended up that I ran 6.9 miles in stead of 6.2 and when I crossed the finish line the race director asked me if I got lost, which we then laughed about. He promised next year the course would be marked more clearly, haha. 

So there's 9 weeks left until the Utah Valley Marathon, and I have A LOT of work to do. I need to solidify my after-work runs (which have been awful lately because of my new work shoes but should be improving soon when they're broken in) but my weekend long runs have been sublime! Running in Montana is equal parts challenging and completely exhilarating. Sunrise runs are my new favorite thing. In fact, sunrises in general are my new favorite things. I'm lucky (?) enough to see the sunrise every morning on my way to work and I'm convinced there is nothing better. So peaceful, and the moment when the western snow capped mountains turn pink is just so beautiful. Sometimes I have to remind myself to watch the road! Haha. 

Anyway I know I just went on a tangent... But I'm super determined and motivated to make these next 9 weeks some of the best training weeks ever. I mean, come on. I live in the most beautiful state ever, I have trails all over that I can run on... Of course it's gonna be amazing! 

I got fooled.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate the fact that my 16 year old sister completely schooled me on April Fools Day. She managed to make me cry from 1,000 miles away. I applaud her. 

I'll just leave these here. 

*disclaimer: I only cuss when I am angry/livid/loathsome. 

I'm myself again.

You guys. Winter was hard. The sun going down at 4:30, the snow falling for days, even weeks on end. Driving was no longer a joy, but a nerve-wracking foray into what could always possibly be my last drive alive. Seriously, my Honda was not made for Montana winters. But you know what? We survived. I survived. I made it through my first Montana winter without sliding off the road, crashing into a ravine, and dying in a fiery crash. Seriously, those were my thoughts every time I drove in bad weather.

The lack of sunlight really got to me. I walked around in a depressed, weary, and very pale state for most of January and February. Actually, we won't even talk about February. February can suck it. March wasn't much better, but it is over and that is all that matters!

So now, as it is what they call"spring time" (in Arizona it goes from not-hot to blazing in a matter of days), the days are getting longer. The birds are singing, singing so much that sometimes on my runs I turn off my music just to listen to the sounds of spring. The sun is giving off warmth for once. It's weird. There's a slight shade of green to some of the fields and lawns, as the grass peeks out from the thawed ground. The deer have little nubbins of new antler growth on their heads. And I am finally able to run outside again without fearing death by frostbite.

Now that I am running again four times a week, I am happy. SO HAPPY. Some runs suck, some runs leave me wanting to sing and laugh and cry all at once. I can run after work, I can run on the weekends. Running outside again gives me this uncontainable joy that carries me throughout the week. I have endless trails and paved paths to explore. Gone are the dark and sad days of winter. It is spring.

And I am myself again.

even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise!

In case you have been living under a rock, the post title comes from the greatest musical of all time, Les Miserables. And no, I am not talking about hard times and finding your way through them. I'm just simply talking about winter.

See, when I told people I was moving to Montana, the majority said "Oh winters up there suck" and "it's way too cold!" and "you're going to get sick of the snow" and I just blew them off. I've lived in Utah, I know what real winters are like. I ain't stupid. Well, one thing about Utah winters are that they are, apparently, about a month shorter than Montana winters.

I swear, every time I move somewhere with notorious winters, they then have the audacity to have the hardest, snowiest, and coldest winter in recent memory. It happened when I moved to Logan (and that one sent me over the edge) and now it's happening again in Montana! So, MT, you're welcome. I have brought you the most snow in years. Yay for less fires this summer!

The Bitterroot Valley is at 140% snow totals for this season. And that is awesome, as it means that the spring and summer are going to be gorgeous. As in, the greenest greens and the most vivid wildflowers and beautiful mountains and canyons. Sigh. It seems impossible now. The thought of anything being green is just laughable. I moved here in late October, just catching the very end of the fall colors. Since then, everything has been brown and grey and dead. I can barely remember what a summer in Montana looks like, since I only experienced it for a short time last July.

However, like the title suggests, even this dark time of winter will end. The sun will shine again for days on end, instead of a couple hours here and there during the week. The two feet of snow in my front yard will melt, to be replaced by green grass and hopefully some flowers (that I might get around to planting). The mountains will be alive again with the new life that is spring, and I can finally get around to exploring the peaks and canyons that I have been staring at all winter. My heart longs for the trails so badly that it's all I can do not to go crazy!

All I have to do is get through March. I have decided that February and March are the worst months of the year in a place such as this. Now, if I had unlimited amounts of money I would buy my own ski gear, get a year pass to Lost Trail, and be there all weekend. My ski lessons from January into mid-February were a real blessing. It gave me something to look forward to during the week, and those lessons allowed me to get some good outdoor time. Oh, and I absolutely LOVE skiing, and feel like I could actually get really good at it. My instructor told me I have a fearlessness that is crucial in downhill skiing. I'm not afraid of going fast, and I have gotten pretty dang good at making sharp turns when I need to. I am so excited to make skiing a regular part of my winters from now on!

I'm only writing this post today because there is a full-on blizzard going on outside. The roads are impossible, making me housebound. Snow days are not all they are made out to be! Haha. The past couple weeks have just been snow on snow on snow, but at least I have gotten excellent at driving in snow and I still appreciate how beautiful freshly fallen snow is. I especially love running in a winter wonderland. I even bought trail shoes to run on the snow and ice with. Still haven't fallen once! I'm going to keep that streak going for as long as I can :)

This post has been super random and brought to you by cabin fever.

YOLO

YOLO- aka the most overused and joked about phrase of 2013. I now use it ironically; turning left at an intersection? "YOLO!" Eating ice cream right after working out? "YOLO!" You get the idea.

You only live once.

Now, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know that I don't just live once (unless you count all of eternity as "once", in which case sure, I guess it applies). We know there is life after this mortal existence. Our Savior has made it so. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't live our mortal life to its fullest.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a woman at work and she was lamenting about her broken body, about how she has this list of all of these things that she wished she could do but will never accomplish. Her age and the deconditioned state of her body makes it impossible for her to enjoy even a simple bike ride. To paraphrase her words, "I have always wanted to skydive, to white water raft, to hike the highest mountains I could find. I should have done all of those things while I still could, when I was young and healthy and had the energy. Now, it is physically impossible for me to do any of those things."

This really made me stop and think. How many of us go through life constantly saying "one day"? One day I'll take that trip to Paris. One day I'll raft the Colorado River. One day I'll be in good enough shape to run a half marathon. One day I'll learn the piano. One day I'll volunteer on a regular basis. One day...one day... Well you know what I say to that? YOLO.

Seriously though, think about it. Many of these goals that I mentioned are completely doable, even while raising a family or working a full time job. They just take more planning. I say let's stop dreaming and start doing. What stops us from fulfilling our dreams? Fear? Lack of money or time? Too many commitments? It's something to think about.

The fact that I have always wanted to live in Montana and that I therefore stepped and made it happen makes me even more excited about this topic. I could have easily taken the easy route of staying in Arizona and simply worked and kept doing the same things I had been doing forever. But when the opportunity came for me to pack everything up and move to Montana, I almost didn't even have to think about it before I knew it was going to happen. It was like the dream that I had always wanted to fulfill just kind of clicked into place, and I knew if I didn't do it now, when would I?

I realize I have made it easier on myself to chase my dreams- I am about as single as they come, with no other responsibilities except work and paying bills. I don't have to take care of any children, cook and clean for a household, or fit into anyone else's schedule. I know its a luxury, which is why I am living it up while I can.

The majority of my friends are married, and I am in NO WAY talking down to those who are married or saying my life is better than theirs. Our lives are completely different, but on the same plane, neither one being better or worse. I am just trying to say that please, please don't let your lives get so busy that you let the years pass by without doing the things that you have always dreamed of doing. That is one of my biggest fears in life, is not taking opportunities when they come my way. Start saving up, start planning, whatever it takes. Make it happen. Don't be like the woman at my work who looks back on her life full of regret and wishing. Even though she will have a perfect body and will be able to experience those things in the next life, why wait? This mortal existence is an experience that I like to think is made up of a million little experiences.

Don't just go through life simply existing. Make it about the experience.

Healthy.

Today in Relief Society, we had a lesson on goals. You know, "new year, new you" type of deal.

When the teacher asked what is usually the top resolution for people, about half of the women all responded at once, "lose weight!"

I frowned to myself. Why is this always a goal for women every year? Even women who are well into their 60's and 70's have this goal of losing 20 pounds or fitting into a smaller pair of jeans and all I can think is, why is this always number one on our list?

I believe that instead of having a goal to lose weight, we should have a goal of being healthy. Let me explain the difference.

I didn't think I would share this because of it's kind of personal, but I think it will help people understand why the goal of "losing weight" is so bothersome to me.

I used to have a very low self esteem when it comes to my body, and only until very recently was I still obsessing over it. I had always thought of myself as the fat friend, fat daughter, fat sister, fat everything. I would look at what the bloggers and instagrammers call "fitspo" and even worse, "thinspo", basically pictures of impossibly fit and skinny girls with the caption "perfect" and "can I be her?" and "that thigh gap!" These pictures fed into my obsession over my hatred of my body. I fed into Satan's lies that I would never be good enough for anyone until my body was perfect.

It's such a disgusting and degrading train of thought, and no doubt these thoughts were perpetuated by Satan and his lies. He knows exactly where to hurt us the most, and he knew that I had suffered from low self esteem my entire life.

This past May, I had my first of two foot surgeries. I was sidelined from running for the foreseeable future, and I ate more food out of frustration that I couldn't run anymore. I gained some weight, not more than 10 pounds but on my frame it was enough to make me hate myself more than I ever had. I began to try fasting for a day or two at a time, no doubt egged on by the bloggers on tumblr who bragged about fasting for 50 hours or 4 days or an entire week! After each fast, I would inevitably binge on whatever there was in the fridge, and as I didn't have the willpower or skill to throw it all up, I would feel even worse about myself. Which would make me fast again. This cycle went on for weeks.

I dreaded family vacation in California because I knew I would be so self-conscious the entire time. I just knew that I would wish I didn't have to wear a swimsuit or expose my fat legs or have to suck in my fat stomach all day. I almost didn't want any pictures taken of me because I knew I would look so fat and they would get posted anyway. I spent every night in California looking at thinspo on my phone and wishing, oh wishing that I could have a smaller butt, a flat stomach, and thigh gap. Whenever I saw another woman, the first thing I noticed was whether she had a better body than me, and it would always inevitably lead to self-loathing whenever I was around women skinnier than me. It made life fairly miserable, and socializing was even worse. I became convinced that the reason I couldn't keep a boyfriend or go on many dates is because I was fat.

Throughout the entire summer, I alternated between fasting and drinking only green tea and eating whatever I could get my hands on, all while spiraling downward into self hate and pity. I texted a friend one day, who I knew suffered from the same awful condition that I did, about what she does when the self-hate is so consuming and feels overwhelming. Thank goodness for her example, and I am grateful for her every day. She ended up writing me a beautiful letter, complete with her favorite scriptures for comfort and healing, and some healthy snacks. It helped, for a couple days at least. I was grateful for her understanding and compassion, but I was too self-absorbed to really take her advice to heart.

The day when I knew I had to stop this dangerous cycle, the day I basically hit rock bottom, was one Sunday in late July. I had fasted since Friday night, all through Saturday, and was still going strong until church. That day, I was performing a violin part with a vocal solo, and it was my favorite song and one I had practiced for a long time. I was feeling slightly light-headed and clammy as I led the music for the opening and sacrament hymns, but I wasn't alarmed. It wasn't until I stood up and walked to front of the stand with my violin, ready to play the musical number, that I felt really ill. My vision was black at the edges, I was very dizzy, I could barely hear the piano and vocalist, and I could barely play the music. I made it through the musical number, but not without messing up in places I had memorized before and I couldn't make it through at all without leaning against the barrier/wall on the front of the stand. I feared I would pass out before the song was over.

I ended up leaving church early that day, claiming that I was sick. Yes, I was sick. Sick in the head, mostly. I went home, fell asleep, and still managed to not eat anything that day, continuing to claim that I was sick. I still ended up having a game night that night. So many people at my house! My hearing was going fuzzy, I couldn't concentrate on anything anyone was saying, and I had to sit down nearly the whole time. At the end, when nearly everyone had gone home, I finally ate some food. A piece of string cheese. I knew that I had made a very poor choice that weekend, and I knew that I definitely did not like the feeling of starving myself. I just couldn't do it anymore.

I think that's why I was able to turn it around so quickly. I wasn't so far gone that I had grown to fear food, had grown to love the feeling of being starved, as some people with eating disorders and similar disorders do. It wasn't like that. The common theme of people with eating disorders is that they lack control in every aspect of their life, except food. They can control food to their hearts content. They enjoy the feeling of triumph they get when they feel light-headed from lack of food, when they see the weight loss on the scale, when they can count the number of calories they consumed during the day on one hand.

That was the last time I ever fasted on a day other than Fast Sunday. I thankfully could recognize that I couldn't continue in this way because it was becoming harmful to my mental well-being. I did some research on eating disorders and found that I had some of the symptoms, but not enough to fit into the category of anorexia or bulimia.. This is what they call EDNOS- Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. The research I did was enough for me to realize that I am better than this. I do not need to starve myself to get skinny! Being healthy is SO much more than being skinny. With the help of Christ's Atonement, a close friend's help, scripture study, prayer for strength and healing, I have been able to get past it. I am not completely over it, to be sure. There are bad days, but the good days VASTLY outnumber the bad days, and that's how I know I'm better.

And this takes us back to the beginning of my post. It bothers me that every woman has the goal of losing weight. Can we change that goal to "becoming more healthy" instead? Instead of saying "I want to lose 20 pounds" how about we say "I was to be able to walk a mile or two every day" or "I want to be able to go up the stairs without getting winded" or "I want to drop my cholesterol level". These are measures of health. You could be 175 pounds and be able to run a half marathon, whereas a 115 pound girl could barely run a mile. And that can go either way, obviously. Weight does not equal health.

I am not, however, talking about obesity. Obesity is obviously dangerous and that definitely warrants an exercise program and a healthy diet change. What I am talking about is the average woman, size 8 or 12 or whatever (basically me, size 10 through and through!) who wishes to lose 20 pounds because the media has instilled in her mind that in order to be beautiful, she needs to be a size 2. I call bullshit.

I am working towards being the healthiest I have ever been in my life, and I have some lofty goals for 2014. However, those goals to not include the number "130" or anything related to pounds. If I make the goal to simply eat healthy (working on it), love my body (I'm getting there! It's a daily struggle), and run as many races as I can (already signed up for a half marathon this year!) then the weight becomes something I don't need to worry about. The main thing for me is to be at a healthy weight for my body, to love my body shape, and to figure out ways to always challenge myself to become better.

The end of story is, being healthy, strong, and fit is SO much more important than being the skinniest you have ever been. They can go hand in hand, of course. If you start exercising more and eating more healthy, sure the weight will come off. But don't make that your priority. It can be so damaging and you can begin to be completely obsessed by that stupid little number on the scale.

Being fit can mean different things to everyone. It could mean being able to keep up with your grandchildren. It could mean running your first marathon. It could mean going on short hikes with your loved ones without being left behind. It could mean going for a bike ride with your spouse. It could mean simply moving around more throughout the day.

I just hope that was we make our New Year's Resolutions this year, we focus less on the numbers and more on our quality of life and our health.

How much is that avocado in the window?

Scene: Super 1 Foods in Stevensville, Montana.

There's me, grocery shopping after a long day at work because I have zero food in my cupboard after being away for 10 days for Christmas (which was awesome, btw).

I'm looking at avocados, trying to decide whether it is worth the 98 cents each. A short, black-haired lady is talking loudly next to the apples as she explains to someone nearby the best way to pick out apples. I'm not entirely sure if she works there or is just extremely nosy. She then points at the avocados (and at me, I guess) and says loudly "I am the expert on avocados, you know, because I am Hispanic."

Huh.

She then walks over, nearly shoving me out of the way as I am pondering which avocados I want to adopt, and starts picking up each one in turn and explaining to this other person (another stranger? a friend? I have no idea!) what is wrong with it.

"Too hard, not ripe."
"Too soft, too ripe."
"Too green, not good."
"See how it has a dent in it? Rotten."

Now, I am not afraid to speak up when I have something to say to a stranger. All I wanted to do was give the poor shopper some friendly advice that has worked for me many, many times in the past.

"You know," I say politely, "I always buy the avocados that are hard, place them in a paper bag overnight, and the next day they are perfectly ripe! It's like magic!"

The "Hispanic" woman turns at me so swiftly, and gives me a look so bitchy, that I am completely taken aback.

"That's a myth," she says shortly.

"Um, actually it's not," I say, borderline speechless, "I've been doing it for years. Works every time."

"No, it's a myth. I'm Hispanic, I would know."

I am not a confrontational person. I would rather let someone have their way than argue with them because first of all, I would hate to make a scene, and second of all, there are very few things worth arguing about. I simply say,

"Okay, then."

and walk away. On the outside, I am cool and collected.

On the inside, not so much.

"LISTEN, BITCH. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE HISPANIC DOES NOT GIVE YOU A MONOPOLY ON AVOCADO KNOWLEDGE. I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A LIAR, AND I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN I DID NOT MAKE UP THE PAPER BAG TRICK BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT I SAW IT ON PINTEREST. IF I WASN'T IN A GROCERY STORE RIGHT NOW I WOULD HAVE CHEWED OUT YOUR HISPANIC ASS FASTER THAN YOU COULD SAY "YO QUIERO AVOCADO".

But like I said, I am not a confrontational person.

Also, I'm totally serious about the paper bag thing.