Thank you to everyone who had such nice comments to say about my last post. I realize it was just one huge rant of a post but everything I said was honest and just my own opinion. The thing I heard most was that I am NOT old, which makes me smile:) haha!! Even though I am almost 24, there's no reason to worry. I have so much respect for my friends who got married young, because I sure as heck would not have been able to handle being married young. Shoot, even getting married now is still a stretch! Haha. So again, thank you!
And to the anonymous commenter who said "You realize putting out means to have sex, right? Kissing doesn't make you a slut" is obviously just trying to rationalize their decisions in life. Putting out, IN LDS TERMS, means making out. Sorry I didn't clarify? I thought that should have been obvious. And yes, I consider the girls, who make out with a different guy every week because they can, to be sluts. I'm sorry, anonymous, if that makes you a slut. Oh wait, I don't need to apologize to you, since I don't even know who you are!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
How to tick off a single person.
I have fully come to terms with my single-dom, embraced it even. (You might get to the end of this post and think I'm in denial, but that's your problem). I am okay being single. It's fun at times, frustrating at other times, but for the most part I enjoy the freedom and knowing that I can be spontaneous, and basically do whatever the heck I want, any time I want! Okay moving on...
This may be confession hour and I may end up writing things I wouldn't normally tell people, but I've thinking about this post a long time and it just needs to happen.
As a near-spinster (definition; an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the age of marriage), I hear a lot of comments, remarks, and questions from well-meaning friends and relatives. Here are a few of my favorites, with the response I usually keep to myself.
1. "Are you dating anyone?"
Please. I know you see my FB and plus, has that question EVER been answered with a yes?! Ever???? NO! For good reason. I never am dating anyone. But it is understandable that some people might not know that I am not one of those girls who always has to have a boyfriend to be happy, so I forgive them.
2. "You must be going on so many dates!"
This is usually met with a good laugh from me, because I don't know why so many people assume that! Do they really think guys are asking me out every weekend, that there isn't a Friday night where I'm not going out with someone? Just because I live in Provo DOES NOT mean I am going on "so many dates". Quite the opposite actually. In the last 6 months, I have gone on 2 dates. TWO. Does that count as many? Didn't think so. This inevitably leads to....
3. "But you are such a catch!!"
HA HA HA HA. If that was true, I'd be married, or at least dating, someone by now. Apparently everyone can see it but me...and every eligible man on this planet. I've heard it many times, "you are awesome, hilarious, beautiful (huh??), smart, a good runner, outdoorsy, blah blah blah, what guy wouldn't want you?" I know I have self-esteem issues, I have for a long time, but most people don't know it because I hide it very well. And every day, week, month, year that goes by with me becoming even more and more single (yes, it is possible) I can't help to wonder, am I really worth someone's time (and eternity)?! Am I really as special as my friends and relatives make me out to be? Or am I just an average person living an average life? The more I go through life, the more I have realized that these are Satan's lies. I know I'm not the prettiest, skinniest, fastest, funniest, smartest, or most talented girl out there, but I KNOW that doesn't mean that I don't have worth. It all goes back to the Young Women's theme, that I am Heavenly Father's daughter, and he loves me. Isn't that all that should matter? Even if nobody on this earth loved me (and I know people do, don't get me wrong) I still know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior still do. And that's all I need for now.
But still... having people repeatedly tell me I'm a catch but having no men realize it enough to even ask me out gets quite disheartening after a while.
4. "You should show more cleavage."
Okay disclaimer-- this is my mom's favorite phrase to me when our discussions about dating come up, and she says in a complete joking manner, but... what does that say about men today? I strongly believe that most men don't initially pay attention to a woman unless they find her very attractive, physically. She could have the worst personality but as long as she's "hot" they can put up with it. Now, should I dress like a slut (excuse the language) to attract the tools who will want nothing more than a NCMO, or dress like a real, respectable woman to attract the men who will actually respect me and be interested in a real, lasting relationship? The answer here is clear.
5. "You just need to put out more."
Okay, to be honest, the first time someone told me this I had no idea what it meant. Um, put out what? I'm just so confused. After some asking around, I finally came up with one word to describe someone who "puts out"... EASY. A girl who puts out is one who is readily available for a make out, a booty call, or gives the vibe that she would make out with a guy if he were to just ask. In other words, girls who "put out" are sluts. Sorry, I'm not going to sugar coat this one. And I think everyone who knew me would say that I am not a slut. And in this world where one night stands (or NCMO's, if you're LDS) are so common, I think I am that rare breed of woman where I believe a kiss is kind of a big deal. It means, hey I'm into you, I want to date you, and I hope this becomes something more. It's not like, LOL I think kissing is fun so let's do it! I had a friend try to convince me that a NCMO would be good for my self-esteem, when I think it would have made me feel worse because I would have been going against everything I believe in (note: if that friend is reading this I apologize again and say, it's not you, it's me). Now, there is a more mild form of "putting out" which is where you are just more flirty, which brings me to my next one...
6. "Just flirt more!"
Okay, as my loving younger sister put it so well, "Young single adults are so awkward!!" Let me tell you, I almost wish someone would secretly film me on first dates because I would be the poster-girl for awkwardness. Oh my gosh. I think during most first dates I am inwardly cringing at the things I say and do. It's like I have word vomit most of the time. No wonder I never get second dates. It is for this reason that the advice to "flirt more" sends me into a near panic. There are so many rules and tricks to flirting! Touch his arm! Bat your eyelashes! Flip your hair! Don't cross your arms! Lean towards him! Give him compliments! And the list seriously just goes on forever. So whenever I'm talking to a guy, I can barely concentrate on what he saying because I'm trying to think of how to flirt with him. It's exhausting. Can't I just be my usual, goofy self and hope that he asks me out without me giving him clear signals that I'm interested? Oh wait, I can't. Because men are kind of dumb and need everything spelled out for them. Flirting doesn't work for me because I am so abysmally bad at it.
7. "Wait, you're 23 and not married yet? What's wrong with you?"
Okay this really only comes from the aforementioned little sister, but that doesn't mean I still don't think about it a lot. It's like what I talked about before, is there something wrong with me? In all these failed dates and relationships, the common denominator is ME. That's got to say something, right? I've come to the conclusion that I am just intimidating, I scare the heck out of guys, I don't give clear signals when I'm interested, I don't talk enough about them and talk too much about myself, and maybe I don't seem all that approachable. But I'm working on all of this, and hopefully one day I will get it and it will all click together. I've decided I won't let myself really freak out until I'm 25. Ha ha! Also guys- take notes. I like to watch sports. I love the outdoors. I can cook and bake very well. I give great massages. I make good sandwiches (which sounds sexist but I am so proud of it).....just a couple things to keep in mind :)
8. "Just wait, one day a guy will walk into your life and it will all happen so fast and before you know it you'll be in love and you won't even know how you got there..."
Okay, first off. Just because that happened to you DOES NOT mean it will happen to me. I am not you, you are not me. I personally believe I am incapable, at this time in my life, of loving somebody completely and wholly and having that whole "head-over-heels" feeling. I've never felt it, I've never even felt anything close to that feeling. I don't understand it. It's like love is this thing in a box that I cannot open and not only that, I can't even get a glimpse of what it looks (feels) like. Why do I feel like I have this wall up around my heart? Why am I so emotionally disconnected from everyone? The only thing that makes me cry is when dogs die in books or (spoiler alert) when Harry Potter realizes he has to die (SOBBING). Ha ha! I've never been emotionally hurt in a relationship or anything of the sort, because I have never given my heart to anyone. And then people say, just take the risk!! Well, I would if there was anyone worth risking it on. Unfortunately, I've never dated anyone that I felt like I could take that risk on. I may have had "feelings" for them, but I never felt one inkling of love. Now, I can and do love people, in the way I love my family and my roommates and my old friends, but I've never had that 'falling in love" experience and I'm starting to believe I never will. (Okay that's a bit dramatic).
9. "I'm so glad I'm not single anymore, I hated it!"
So I must hate life so much right now, huh? Because it is IMPOSSIBLE to be happy while you're single, right? In everyone's life, we have our ups and downs. Some days I hate being single and want nothing more to be married, and other days (like the days where I'm on a spontaneous weekend trip with friends or hiking a mountain or skydiving or training for marathons to my hearts content) I am so happy that I am single. I love the spontaneity, the random trips, the late nights, the endless possibilities!!
10. "I can't wait until you get married so we can finally be friends again!"
This was hurtful. I don't know if the person who said it even remembers saying it, but I'm not mad anymore. I do hope they know that it is not true!! Just because I may be single, (and I'm talking to all married people now) and you are married, doesn't mean we can't be friends still! Lunch dates are my absolute favorite thing, even texting and phone conversations! We may have completely different lives, but I love knowing that my married friends still care about me, and I hope they know I still love them to death and that I am not in any way bitter that they are married and I am not. Besides, whose cute babies would I play with? So thank you to my married friends who blog, it helps me out more than you know.
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Well, I didn't want to come up with more than 10 things, so it is here I will end. Just to recap, I am not bitter. Some may think that I am, but mostly the perceived "bitterness" is really sarcasm that doesn't translate well on the computer (somebody invent a sarcasm font!!!). Dieter F. Uchtdorf (the Silver Fox, Captain Uchtdorf, among other nicknames) has spoken two of my most favorite talks of all the talks! "Forget Me Not" and "Your Happily Ever After". In the first one, he talks about how some people are still waiting for their "golden ticket", or the thing in their life which will finally make them happy. They sit, they wait for it, without actually realizing that they can be happy NOW! Today! The choice is ours. And I've made that choice. I'm not waiting for that blessed day when I finally get married to be happy! That is not a way to live!! I'm happy now, in whatever circumstance I am in.
The second talk was about how we have to get through adversity to get to our happily ever after, just like how all the princesses in the Disney stories had to face adversity before they got their prince. There will always be trials, and mostly my trials consist of "how am I still single?" and "I think this finals week will be the death of me" BUT I know it is just a speed bump on the way to my happily ever after. As long as I stay true to what I believe, and always remember that the only way to happiness is through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then that is all I need.
I am daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love Him. And I am definitely worth it.
This may be confession hour and I may end up writing things I wouldn't normally tell people, but I've thinking about this post a long time and it just needs to happen.
As a near-spinster (definition; an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the age of marriage), I hear a lot of comments, remarks, and questions from well-meaning friends and relatives. Here are a few of my favorites, with the response I usually keep to myself.
1. "Are you dating anyone?"
Please. I know you see my FB and plus, has that question EVER been answered with a yes?! Ever???? NO! For good reason. I never am dating anyone. But it is understandable that some people might not know that I am not one of those girls who always has to have a boyfriend to be happy, so I forgive them.
2. "You must be going on so many dates!"
This is usually met with a good laugh from me, because I don't know why so many people assume that! Do they really think guys are asking me out every weekend, that there isn't a Friday night where I'm not going out with someone? Just because I live in Provo DOES NOT mean I am going on "so many dates". Quite the opposite actually. In the last 6 months, I have gone on 2 dates. TWO. Does that count as many? Didn't think so. This inevitably leads to....
3. "But you are such a catch!!"
HA HA HA HA. If that was true, I'd be married, or at least dating, someone by now. Apparently everyone can see it but me...and every eligible man on this planet. I've heard it many times, "you are awesome, hilarious, beautiful (huh??), smart, a good runner, outdoorsy, blah blah blah, what guy wouldn't want you?" I know I have self-esteem issues, I have for a long time, but most people don't know it because I hide it very well. And every day, week, month, year that goes by with me becoming even more and more single (yes, it is possible) I can't help to wonder, am I really worth someone's time (and eternity)?! Am I really as special as my friends and relatives make me out to be? Or am I just an average person living an average life? The more I go through life, the more I have realized that these are Satan's lies. I know I'm not the prettiest, skinniest, fastest, funniest, smartest, or most talented girl out there, but I KNOW that doesn't mean that I don't have worth. It all goes back to the Young Women's theme, that I am Heavenly Father's daughter, and he loves me. Isn't that all that should matter? Even if nobody on this earth loved me (and I know people do, don't get me wrong) I still know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior still do. And that's all I need for now.
But still... having people repeatedly tell me I'm a catch but having no men realize it enough to even ask me out gets quite disheartening after a while.
4. "You should show more cleavage."
Okay disclaimer-- this is my mom's favorite phrase to me when our discussions about dating come up, and she says in a complete joking manner, but... what does that say about men today? I strongly believe that most men don't initially pay attention to a woman unless they find her very attractive, physically. She could have the worst personality but as long as she's "hot" they can put up with it. Now, should I dress like a slut (excuse the language) to attract the tools who will want nothing more than a NCMO, or dress like a real, respectable woman to attract the men who will actually respect me and be interested in a real, lasting relationship? The answer here is clear.
5. "You just need to put out more."
Okay, to be honest, the first time someone told me this I had no idea what it meant. Um, put out what? I'm just so confused. After some asking around, I finally came up with one word to describe someone who "puts out"... EASY. A girl who puts out is one who is readily available for a make out, a booty call, or gives the vibe that she would make out with a guy if he were to just ask. In other words, girls who "put out" are sluts. Sorry, I'm not going to sugar coat this one. And I think everyone who knew me would say that I am not a slut. And in this world where one night stands (or NCMO's, if you're LDS) are so common, I think I am that rare breed of woman where I believe a kiss is kind of a big deal. It means, hey I'm into you, I want to date you, and I hope this becomes something more. It's not like, LOL I think kissing is fun so let's do it! I had a friend try to convince me that a NCMO would be good for my self-esteem, when I think it would have made me feel worse because I would have been going against everything I believe in (note: if that friend is reading this I apologize again and say, it's not you, it's me). Now, there is a more mild form of "putting out" which is where you are just more flirty, which brings me to my next one...
6. "Just flirt more!"
Okay, as my loving younger sister put it so well, "Young single adults are so awkward!!" Let me tell you, I almost wish someone would secretly film me on first dates because I would be the poster-girl for awkwardness. Oh my gosh. I think during most first dates I am inwardly cringing at the things I say and do. It's like I have word vomit most of the time. No wonder I never get second dates. It is for this reason that the advice to "flirt more" sends me into a near panic. There are so many rules and tricks to flirting! Touch his arm! Bat your eyelashes! Flip your hair! Don't cross your arms! Lean towards him! Give him compliments! And the list seriously just goes on forever. So whenever I'm talking to a guy, I can barely concentrate on what he saying because I'm trying to think of how to flirt with him. It's exhausting. Can't I just be my usual, goofy self and hope that he asks me out without me giving him clear signals that I'm interested? Oh wait, I can't. Because men are kind of dumb and need everything spelled out for them. Flirting doesn't work for me because I am so abysmally bad at it.
7. "Wait, you're 23 and not married yet? What's wrong with you?"
Okay this really only comes from the aforementioned little sister, but that doesn't mean I still don't think about it a lot. It's like what I talked about before, is there something wrong with me? In all these failed dates and relationships, the common denominator is ME. That's got to say something, right? I've come to the conclusion that I am just intimidating, I scare the heck out of guys, I don't give clear signals when I'm interested, I don't talk enough about them and talk too much about myself, and maybe I don't seem all that approachable. But I'm working on all of this, and hopefully one day I will get it and it will all click together. I've decided I won't let myself really freak out until I'm 25. Ha ha! Also guys- take notes. I like to watch sports. I love the outdoors. I can cook and bake very well. I give great massages. I make good sandwiches (which sounds sexist but I am so proud of it).....just a couple things to keep in mind :)
8. "Just wait, one day a guy will walk into your life and it will all happen so fast and before you know it you'll be in love and you won't even know how you got there..."
Okay, first off. Just because that happened to you DOES NOT mean it will happen to me. I am not you, you are not me. I personally believe I am incapable, at this time in my life, of loving somebody completely and wholly and having that whole "head-over-heels" feeling. I've never felt it, I've never even felt anything close to that feeling. I don't understand it. It's like love is this thing in a box that I cannot open and not only that, I can't even get a glimpse of what it looks (feels) like. Why do I feel like I have this wall up around my heart? Why am I so emotionally disconnected from everyone? The only thing that makes me cry is when dogs die in books or (spoiler alert) when Harry Potter realizes he has to die (SOBBING). Ha ha! I've never been emotionally hurt in a relationship or anything of the sort, because I have never given my heart to anyone. And then people say, just take the risk!! Well, I would if there was anyone worth risking it on. Unfortunately, I've never dated anyone that I felt like I could take that risk on. I may have had "feelings" for them, but I never felt one inkling of love. Now, I can and do love people, in the way I love my family and my roommates and my old friends, but I've never had that 'falling in love" experience and I'm starting to believe I never will. (Okay that's a bit dramatic).
9. "I'm so glad I'm not single anymore, I hated it!"
So I must hate life so much right now, huh? Because it is IMPOSSIBLE to be happy while you're single, right? In everyone's life, we have our ups and downs. Some days I hate being single and want nothing more to be married, and other days (like the days where I'm on a spontaneous weekend trip with friends or hiking a mountain or skydiving or training for marathons to my hearts content) I am so happy that I am single. I love the spontaneity, the random trips, the late nights, the endless possibilities!!
10. "I can't wait until you get married so we can finally be friends again!"
This was hurtful. I don't know if the person who said it even remembers saying it, but I'm not mad anymore. I do hope they know that it is not true!! Just because I may be single, (and I'm talking to all married people now) and you are married, doesn't mean we can't be friends still! Lunch dates are my absolute favorite thing, even texting and phone conversations! We may have completely different lives, but I love knowing that my married friends still care about me, and I hope they know I still love them to death and that I am not in any way bitter that they are married and I am not. Besides, whose cute babies would I play with? So thank you to my married friends who blog, it helps me out more than you know.
_________________________________
Well, I didn't want to come up with more than 10 things, so it is here I will end. Just to recap, I am not bitter. Some may think that I am, but mostly the perceived "bitterness" is really sarcasm that doesn't translate well on the computer (somebody invent a sarcasm font!!!). Dieter F. Uchtdorf (the Silver Fox, Captain Uchtdorf, among other nicknames) has spoken two of my most favorite talks of all the talks! "Forget Me Not" and "Your Happily Ever After". In the first one, he talks about how some people are still waiting for their "golden ticket", or the thing in their life which will finally make them happy. They sit, they wait for it, without actually realizing that they can be happy NOW! Today! The choice is ours. And I've made that choice. I'm not waiting for that blessed day when I finally get married to be happy! That is not a way to live!! I'm happy now, in whatever circumstance I am in.
The second talk was about how we have to get through adversity to get to our happily ever after, just like how all the princesses in the Disney stories had to face adversity before they got their prince. There will always be trials, and mostly my trials consist of "how am I still single?" and "I think this finals week will be the death of me" BUT I know it is just a speed bump on the way to my happily ever after. As long as I stay true to what I believe, and always remember that the only way to happiness is through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then that is all I need.
I am daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love Him. And I am definitely worth it.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Running Pop Quiz!
My favorite blog of all time has to be Hungry Runner Girl, she talks all things running and she is such an inspiration! Also, her new baby is freakin cute. ALSO girl just ran a 1:31:55 in a half marathon yesterday only 7.5 weeks after having her baby. Um, can I just be her?! Ha ha! i even met her once and she is just as funny in person. Anyway, a couple weeks ago she did a running pop quiz and challenged us to fill it out too, so here goes! (Annie did one first, read it here).
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1. FEUL: I used to eat just plain vanilla PowerBar gels, but couldn't stomach them after training for two marathons. Then I took one taste of the Mint Chocolate GU, and fell in love and have never looked back. Imagine eating delicious, mint chocolate frosting in the middle of a race, because that's the exact taste and texture of this stuff. I'm obsessed. Also, for middle-length runs where I need a little something extra, I put the GU electrolyte mix into my water bottle, since I tend to sweat like crazy and so I lose a bunch of sodium and stuff.
2. RACE LENGTH: I've done every race distance except for an ultra (one day! I think?!) I can't even remember how many 5K's and 10K's I've done, but I know I have done 5 half marathons (four of those were in the past year!) and 2 full marathons. I've also done a Ragnar and another similar relay in southern Utah. Half marathons are my absolute favorite (with relays being a close second). One day I will do a 50 mile race. And next year I'm going to shoot for St George marathon again and get at least a 4:30.
3. WORKOUT BOTTOMS: Capris capris capris. I have been blessed with a bodacious booty, and shorts just don't cut it. When I used to run in shorts, my voluptuous behind would bounce up and down like crazy and drove me just as crazy. I know, hilarious visual. And the chafing from my thunder thighs didn't help matters, either. So when I discovered the amazing things that are spandex capris (and I have earned the right to wear spandex) I have never looked back. They keep the chafing away and bouncing at bay.
4. SPORTS DRINK: My family loves Gatorade, but I've never been a huge fan of just drinking it all the time. I save it for races. I do like blue and red flavors (I sound like a little kid). For long runs I use this stuff got Gu Roctane Ultra Endurance, it's just a powder that I put in my water bottle. I feel a huge difference!
5. RUNNING TEMPS: Even though I have grown up in AZ and trained for two fulls in AZ, I still love colder weather running. Like, 40-50 degrees is ideal. But if it has to be warm, I just run at night. I hate running in the sun in general, so when I was training in AZ I would get up at 3 for my long runs. Yee haw!!!
6. RUNNING SHOES: I have these funky feet where I overpronate more on one side than the other, and it tends to screw up my knees and hips and basically everything from the feet up. So I run with fancy, personalized orthotics from my foot doctor that fit my feet perfectly and fix the weirdness. I used to run with Nike's but after I got orthotics I realized I could wear basically any shoes so I now go with Asics Nimbus. I kid you not, it is like running on a cloud! My feet used to ache so much after each run because the stability shoes I used to wear seemed to skimp on the cushioning. Now, my feet feel great all the time!
7. PRERACE MEAL: It depends. Steel-cut oatmeal, cereal (low-fiber), PB&J (easy on the PB), fruit, or a combination of all. I'm not too picky but mostly I hate force feeding myself at 4 in the morning.
8. REST DAYS: Usually two times per week, or three if it's busy week.
9. MUSIC: Long runs definitely yes. Most short runs I can do without. Some days I just need the extra excitement just to get out the door, so I'll take my music. In the month of August I noticed I was a bit burnt out, but music got me back on track. Love my tunes!
10. #1 REASON FOR RUNNING: To stay healthy and not fat. Ha ha, seriously. I think that if I were not a runner I would be pretty heavy, as it is most days I still feel over weight! :( It also makes me so so so so so HAPPY!!! There is no better feeling than finishing a hard run or a tough race and just being on top of the world. I live for that runner's high. I also love the race scene, I love that excitement in the air as everyone is standing at the starting line. Dreams are made and broken, epiphanies are made and lives are changed during those races. I know that for a fact.
11. I'm going to add one more--- FAVORITE RACE: Would have to be either the Top of Zion relay that I did in June or the one I just did a couple weeks ago, Big Cottonwood Half. Both of them went through amazing scenery, I had the time of my life both times, and I was happy for days afterwards. TOZ will probably take the top spot, because I can honestly say that was one of the best weeke
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I hope that I have many, many years of happy running! I plan on being a runner for the rest of my life and I would really like to run through all my pregnancies one day....lofty goal? Heck no! I think anyone can do it!
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