How much is that avocado in the window?

Scene: Super 1 Foods in Stevensville, Montana.

There's me, grocery shopping after a long day at work because I have zero food in my cupboard after being away for 10 days for Christmas (which was awesome, btw).

I'm looking at avocados, trying to decide whether it is worth the 98 cents each. A short, black-haired lady is talking loudly next to the apples as she explains to someone nearby the best way to pick out apples. I'm not entirely sure if she works there or is just extremely nosy. She then points at the avocados (and at me, I guess) and says loudly "I am the expert on avocados, you know, because I am Hispanic."

Huh.

She then walks over, nearly shoving me out of the way as I am pondering which avocados I want to adopt, and starts picking up each one in turn and explaining to this other person (another stranger? a friend? I have no idea!) what is wrong with it.

"Too hard, not ripe."
"Too soft, too ripe."
"Too green, not good."
"See how it has a dent in it? Rotten."

Now, I am not afraid to speak up when I have something to say to a stranger. All I wanted to do was give the poor shopper some friendly advice that has worked for me many, many times in the past.

"You know," I say politely, "I always buy the avocados that are hard, place them in a paper bag overnight, and the next day they are perfectly ripe! It's like magic!"

The "Hispanic" woman turns at me so swiftly, and gives me a look so bitchy, that I am completely taken aback.

"That's a myth," she says shortly.

"Um, actually it's not," I say, borderline speechless, "I've been doing it for years. Works every time."

"No, it's a myth. I'm Hispanic, I would know."

I am not a confrontational person. I would rather let someone have their way than argue with them because first of all, I would hate to make a scene, and second of all, there are very few things worth arguing about. I simply say,

"Okay, then."

and walk away. On the outside, I am cool and collected.

On the inside, not so much.

"LISTEN, BITCH. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE HISPANIC DOES NOT GIVE YOU A MONOPOLY ON AVOCADO KNOWLEDGE. I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A LIAR, AND I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN I DID NOT MAKE UP THE PAPER BAG TRICK BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT I SAW IT ON PINTEREST. IF I WASN'T IN A GROCERY STORE RIGHT NOW I WOULD HAVE CHEWED OUT YOUR HISPANIC ASS FASTER THAN YOU COULD SAY "YO QUIERO AVOCADO".

But like I said, I am not a confrontational person.

Also, I'm totally serious about the paper bag thing.