Facebook always asks me, "what's on your mind?" Well, a boy has NOT been on my mind. Because the man-boys here in Provo haven't quite gotten their acts together. Rather, what's been on my mind is, what can I be doing while I am waiting for these boys to man up? There's a saying that I've heard that says, "Always try to be the person that you would want to marry."
So what does this mean? For example, I want a man who is strong in the Church, sure in his testimony, super spiritual, and honors his priesthood. This is only one of the qualities that I look for in a man, but I think it is one of the most important ones. So, if I wanted this in a man, it wouldn't seem fair to him if I didn't attend Church, have a strong testimony, and respect my womanhood, now would it?
On that same note, if I am looking for a guy who is outgoing, funny, kind, loves his family, loves the outdoors (and I am definitely looking for a guy with these qualities!) then don't you think it would make sense if I tried to be someone like that? I mean, let's get real here. I am funny (apparently), I can be outgoing when I want to, sometimes I can be kind to others (something I definitely need to work on) I love my family and all the fun times we've had, and I can't get enough of the outdoors. But there is always room for improvement in my life, like putting myself in situations where I might meet someone, such as going to Church and institute activities. Always a good place to find men :)
Sometimes I think that I am losing opportunities to meet guys because I want a man that hunts. Now, if hunting is one of the things that makes me really happy and is one of my favorite things to do, don't you think it would be important to find a man who shared this same passion? And this is me self-justifying, but I think I can hold out a little bit longer for that rugged man to come along. (On a side-note, I AM turning 23 soon, so I can't hold out too much longer! Yikes!!)
I can't date or marry someone that doesn't have the same interests as me. The whole "opposites attract" thing never, ever made sense to me! I've tried dating guys who I get along with great on a humor and personality level, but when it comes down to it, we just had absolutely nothing in common. Therefore, we had nothing to talk about and it was exhausting! So I don't think it's wrong to want someone with your same interests.
I know this post is getting long, but whatevs. I have one more point to make. I've noticed lately that most guys these days have absolutely NO plan for their lives/careers. Isn't it strange how us women in LDS society are the ones who are destined to be mothers and homemakers (which I am SO excited to be someday! seriously!) and yet they seem to be the ones who always have education and career plans? EVEN though they may not even use the education they get? (I realize that most moms are required to work these days because of the crappy economy, like my own Mom! But, the majority are still stay at home moms).
And then there are the young LDS men of our generation. Now, I know there are some men out there who do have a very real education and career plan, and I am so glad that they do. But, I would say there are still a lot of guys my age out there who have absolutely no idea what they want to do or become. And I say to them, guys, GET A PLAN. Please, for the sakes of the women that you marry and have to provide for, please know how you are going to provide for her and your soon-to-be family. I have a friend who broke up with her longtime boy friend because, as she put it, "He didn't have a plan, and he didn't know what he was going to do with his life." A woman should not have to live in the fear that she will be forced to live in poverty because her husband couldn't get his act together. I do realize that when you're first married, you're going to be poor. That's just the way of life. But you shouldn't have to scrimp and save your entire life. You can think whatever you want about me, but this is my opinion!
Men, here's an idea. Think of what you love to do, and find some way to turn it into a career! That's what I've done. For three years after high school, I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but as it turns out I was so wrong. It wasn't until I got a job at a physical therapy office that I found out that I LOVE that field. And now I am in physical therapy assistant school in Provo, somewhere I NEVER thought I would be living. Obviously it is the right choice for me because everything has worked out for the best and I love it so far!
Okay, this might be the longest post I've ever written, but I think Provo is finally getting to me. Something about this constant, never-ending dating game is exhausting but at the same time it is also very interesting. It seems like all we can do here is talk about what is wrong with the "dating scene", but then nobody does anything about it!! So these are my thoughts on how to fix it. You're welcome.
8 comments:
Don't beat yourself up so much Alicia. You're ONLY almost 23. My mom didn't get married til she was 25! Ya, I married young and lots of people do in the church, but don't worry that you're not yet. As long as you know you're doing what Heavenly Father expects of you, I think you're doing a fab job! Just have fun and when the right guy comes along you'll know. It seems way complicated when you think about it, but when it happens it's real simple. So many of the little things don't matter so much. Just as long as you have the same goals and are willing to have unity to work towards them you'll be plenty happy!
I second evertything Chelsie just said. I was about to write it... and then i realized everything i was going to say.. she pretty much said. Dont be in any kind of hurry. being married is fun, but you are only 23! You are still young and full of life. Also.. Like chels said, when its the right person and right time.. you will know and everything is simple. :) The whole opposites attract thing is what makes the journey so interesting! You should have things in common with your spouse, but you should also be very different in order to balance each other out! :) Anywho.. I love you...dont let that provo bug get to ya;) haha
First of all, yes. I agree, although 23 really isn't that old. Honestly, as much as I hated the single scene (i got married when I was 20), it wouldn't have hurt me in the least to hold out a few more years before I got married. Also, I think there is a chance you MAY be limiting yourself. There is definitely something to be said for marrying someone with common interests, but what's MORE important is finding someone who'll support you in your interests. Jared doesn't love singing and dancing like I do, in fact he kinda hates dancing, but he's willing to do those things with me because he loves me. So, maybe you don't have to marry an avid hunter...just someone who'll be ok with you loving it and go with you...and then eventually love it :)
I find this refreshing, because way too many girls in the LDS culture just get married for the sake of planning a wedding and/or having a husband and end up settling for the first guy that they get along with for a few months. IT'S ETERNITY we're talking about. There's nothing wrong with having high (and realistic) expectations for your spouse.
I wouldn't want to be married to myself. Just saying.
Great post! The only thing I don't completely agree with ( and I believe other's have mentioned it as well) is that because you LOVE hunting you need to weight for Mr. Hunterman to come about. And the only reason I think this is simply because I had a very similar mentality when I was waiting for Mr. marathon/runner man to come my direction so we could spend our mornings and weekends running all over the world and eventually run off into the sunset....well I didn't fall for Mr. Runnerman. Joe does NOT LOVE RUNNING! Matter of fact he thinks it's just kind of ridiculous most of the times, but you know what? He knows that I love it! And therefore he's good at supporting me in it because he loves me. I have no idea if I'm making sense, but bottom line - it's okay to have your big interest and he has his own big interest as long as a lot of the "little" interests and the BIGGEST interest (the gospel) are shared. Because your right, you have to have things in common and I strongly feel like once you do get married those little things in common multiply and get even better! Anyways, those are my thoughts for now! :) I'm so glad your loving Provo! I so wish that Joe will get in to law school there!
Woah. Thanks for the comments! I'll try and address each of your concerns about me....haha!
Chelsie- I'm not really beating myself up for still being single. I am enjoying this part of my life as much as I can, it's just sometimes I feel like my life hasn't started yet, you know? And I do think that having the same goals is a very important part of marriage.
Kilie- I know I'm ONLY almost 23, but I kind of want to be done having kids by the time I'm in my early 30's, which means I don't want to start having kids when I'm 26 or 27! Do you know what I mean? I'm lookin to the future! Haha!
Lisa- I miss working with you and I hope the new baby is doing good! I liked what you said about how I am kind of limiting myself. I should clarify. If the guy hunts, that is a HUGE plus. Like, major brownie points. However, if he doesn't like hunting or camping and has never been, that doesn't automatically rule him out. Does that make sense? It's just that growing up, that was some of the greatest memories I had was hunting with my Dad. So it's kind of natural that I would want the same thing with my family someday.
Natalli- I like what you said! I am always shocked when people only date for two or three months and end up getting married. I have always said that I never want to be that person. But what do I know? It could very well happen to me someday, and I think I am just scared that I will be one of those girls that settles for the first guy that dated me seriously! (Just know, I am not dissing anyone that got married after knowing their spouse for two or three months. Like I said, what do I know about love?)And I also like what you said about high, but realistic, expectations. No girl should ever have to settle.
KT- you crack me up. I didn't mean that I wanted someone with EXACTLY my same interests and EXACTLY my same personality, cause that would just be weird. Could you imagine the man version of me? And what would happen if we got together? It would be utter chaos. So obviously I need someone to balance out my weaknesses. And who will love to do and talk about the same things!
Kelsey- I think I liked your comment the best! Because you totally explained why my reasoning was maybe not the best. I have realized that as long as the man I marry doesn't have a problem with the things that I love, then it will be great. I don't think I could ever marry someone that doesn't love the outdoors in some way, though. It's such a huge part of my life that to have the love of my life NOT share it with me, or at least go along with it, would be horrible. I'm glad that Joe supports you in running, because every runner needs a support system!! And obviously the Gospel is going to be the biggest part of my future marriage, so that will have to be a must.
Anyway, I hope I've clarified some things and I absolutely love hearing everyone's feedback. I was actually hoping to hear some comments like these because I wasn't completely sure I was being rational. I love you all! :)
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