My First Montana Summer

With July coming to a close, but with no summer no where near done (there's still time to hike in August and September!!), I should probably do a recap of what my first Montana summer has been like!

My summer really kicked off in late May, when I started some of my first hikes into the Bitterroot Mountains, which I had been staring at ALL winter and couldn't wait to get into!

Kootenai Creek hike: May 17th. The creek was more like a raging river at this point, with all the snow we got this winter! The spring runoff was something I had never seen before and it was a sight to behold! We went about 5 or 6 miles round trip, and the trail wasn't too strenuous or remarkable, but the roaring creek was mesmerizing to watch! I was just happy to be in the mountains finally :)

Rattlesnake Wilderness hike: May 24th. Almost 17 miles round trip! My feet were certainly aching by the end. Claire, Ari, and I decided to do a girl's only hike. The trail was pretty flat for the entire thing, and we wanted to hike to the wilderness boundary which was 8 miles in. Even at a brisk walk, it still took us quite a while for the round trip! Probably because of the half hour it took us to attempt to make a fire during our lunch break! Hey, we tried to make a fire with damp wood so you can't blame us. At least we tried. The highlight of the hike for me were the old apple trees we came across that were in full and glorious bloom! Sure was a sight to see.

Blodgett Canyon hike, Memorial Day (May 26th). Even though this was two days after that crazy 17 mile long hike, I wasn't as sore as I expected I would be. The falls were a couple miles in and were fantastic! Blodgett Creek was in its full, roaring runoff and I couldn't help but stop and just stare at it several times during the hike. At some points it was so high that the trail was under some water, and I loved it. Nothing better than getting muddy on an awesome hike!

The weekend of June 7th I flew to AZ for a weekend! I was supposed to get in on Friday in time for Hannah's wedding but Allegiant SUCKS and they cancelled my flight :( so I missed her wedding! I was SO sad. But I still got to go home for about 1.5 days (haha!) and best of all, I made it in time to go through the Gilbert Temple and receive my own endowments! By far the most important and coolest day of my life thus far. The temple has been an even bigger blessing in my life ever since.

I love my family!

So after that short-lived trip, I was back in Montana (basically the love of my life). Summer really started to take hold in June. The days were warm, the mornings chilly, and I love every minute of it! 

June 13th- Wes came into town to visit and drive my old Honda back to AZ after I bought my new car (my beloved Chevy Cruze, whom I call Tom). I took him for a short hike into the Rattlesnake, a drive up Pattee Canyon, a hike to Blodget Canyon overlook, Naps Grill (best burger you will ever have in your entire life) Skalkaho Canyon, and Sunday we went for an afternoon drive up to Flathead Lake. Basically I showed him some of the best places that southwestern Montana has to offer. I'm assuming he loved it :) 

June 20th I drove down to Utah, ready and excited for an entire week with the family at Lake Powell!!! Our Utah cousins (somehow related to us=cousins) have a week on a houseboat every year, and this year we were invited, all of us! It was, by far, one of the best vacations I have had in a long time. I got (mostly) over my fear of deep water, but absolutely not over my fear of tubing (I scream bloody murder the entire time. yes i am 25 years old). We went for a hike up a slot canyon where I was begrudgingly forced to climb up these ridiculous cliffs and waterfalls. I scraped up my knees pretty good, and after tiring myself out on my first attempt to climb the cliff with a rope (hint: it did not go over well) I was physically lifted up the waterfall basically against my will! Okay so I'm still glad I did it (I think) but I was kind of in a bad mood, given that I was glad to just go back and hang out at the boat, haha! It was a pretty cool canyon though. The rest of the trip went by just wonderfully, and we even had moose steaks one night (thanks Lance!) that were to die for. Literally, that moose died for those steaks but it was worth it (sorry moose). After an amazing week, I was headed back by myself for the lonely drive, first to Bear Lake to spend the night at Shantelle's family's cabin, and then to finish the rest of my drive after church on Sunday. Then it was back to work!

I'll finish recapping the summer sometime in September, given that there is SO MUCH going on in August! There are still many more adventures in the making! 

The Friend Zone

How many of you have ever uttered the words "Man, she friend-zoned me" or "I put him in the friend- zone"?

Well, I am going to make a motion that we do away with this so-called "friend-zone" because here's what I think:

The friend-zone is a myth. I mean, kind of. I will admit it exists, but only because men make it exist.

Now, you may be all up in arms right about now saying "Well, I wanted to date her but she only wanted to be friends with me!" or "That guy wouldn't leave me alone and he kept asking me out so the only answer was the put him in the FZ".

Notice how the man side of the FZ makes the man out to be the victim, while the woman's side of the FZ makes her out to be the instigator of the friend-zoning.

I may be in the minority here, but I think that men use the excuse of being "friend-zoned" to cover up the damage to their egos that happens when they get turned down by a woman. Instead of just saying "well, she must just not be interested in me", the blame is turned to the woman, insisting that she just won't give the nice guys a chance. Nice guys always get put in the FZ, right?

Women, let's start being completely clear with our feelings and intentions. If it appears that a guy is interested in you, but you are just not feeling it, tell him! Every guy I have talked to about this subject agrees that it would just be nice to know straight up if a woman is interested in dating or not. Men get this idea of us "friend-zoning" them because we beat around the bush, give out "hints", avoid them, and play games. How about we all be mature about this rather silly dating business and just be clear and honest with everyone?

Now, men: there is such a thing as a woman simply not being interested. And if it appears to you that a woman has put you in the dreaded FZ, then MOVE ON. Seriously. She IS NOT INTERESTED in dating you. That's not a reason to call her a prude, or make her out to be some sort of floozy that enjoys leading men on. When a woman says she wants to be "just friends", don't blame it on her by saying she put you in the friend zone. Just don't.

I don't like the fact that being friends with someone of the opposite sex has turned into such a taboo. I'm sure many of you have seen this video  which makes it appear that men and women cannot be just friends. They edited that video in such a way to make it appear so, but I really believe that men and women can be friends. Do people really believe that there are only two options when it comes to relationships between men and women? Dating or nothing at all?

I'm pretty sure I am a living example of how this isn't true. I have had many guy friends throughout my life that I never had serious romantic feelings for, just feelings of pure friendship. I'm sure most of them could say the same about me. And if I'm wrong about this then those guys need to speak up...haha!

I saw a tweet recently that said "The friend-zone is for guys who won't be absolutely clear about their intentions. It's boyfriend or acquaintance. Friendship isn't an option"(@iMattBrooks). Although I absolutely agree with the first sentence (I have a hard time wanting to date or even be interested in a guy if he doesn't make his intentions clear) I'm not sure I agree with the rest of it. Men and women can be friends. They can hang out without hooking up. They can have conversations without flirting. They can keep things platonic between them while still managing to have fun together.

Am I wrong here? Am I being completely crazy or oblivious?

All I am trying to get at, is that men need to stop playing the victim when they get turned down by a woman, and women need to be honest when turning down a man for a date or relationship. Let's turn this whole dating "game" into something more mature and a lot less confusing. Who's with me? No more using the phrase "friend-zone". Let's just call it as it is: guys, she's just not that into you.

Me <-------- idiot.

Yesterday, to celebrate Mother's Day for myself (because I am the mother of all awesomeness) I decided to make homemade honey wheat bread (one loaf for myself, one for work. Plot twist: it turned out great).

As I was pulling the second loaf out of the oven, the pan slipped from my hot-pad covered fingers.

It fell (in seemingly slow motion) and I fully expected the very-obviously-glass bread pan to shatter on impact. However, to my great surprise, it simply bounced on the ground and unceremoniously dumped the golden loaf of bread onto the (thankfully freshly mopped) floor.

I quickly picked up the loaf of slightly squashed but still edible bread off the floor. As I reached down to pick up the pan, I started to say to it:

"Thank you for not breaking!"

Instead, as my (BARE) fingers closed around the edge of the freshly-removed-from-the-oven-and-so-is-obviously-still-hot pan, the sentence came out more like this:

"Thank you for being EFFING HOT HOLY SHIT!"

After which I dropped the pan again, turned to the sink and began running my poor burnt thumb and two fingers under the cold water. But wait! It is a crime not to bread minutes after removing it from the oven! So I quickly slice myself a hunk of delicious, warm bread (while being near tears

Run For the Trees 10K

I love small races. When there is only 100 or so people running, that makes the likelihood of me being dead last very, very real. So I have to step up my game. 

I made a goal to run a race every month of this year, and so far it's been going well. This is my third race since foot surgery, and although the first two miles were kind of hard, I hit the sweet spot around mile 3 and cruised from there. 

 The course took us along the river, through some neighborhoods and then straight through the middle of the University of Montana. It was cool because I had never been on campus before, and it's a beautiful campus! The only students I saw were two guys carrying a couch across the grass lawn. Haha, typical. 

The course was marked by orange cones with arrows on them. On campus there was one arrow that wasn't exactly clear, leading to me and a couple other people to go the wrong direction and consequently run an extra mile! I'm not complaining though, extra mile is extra calories burned and I wasn't going for a personal record anyway! 

Luckily there was a guy in our group of lost runners who remembered the course map and got us back on track. I'm glad there were other people close by when I couldn't figure out which way to go because I never would've been able to find my way back! Haha. Missoula is still a bit of a mystery to me. 

It ended up that I ran 6.9 miles in stead of 6.2 and when I crossed the finish line the race director asked me if I got lost, which we then laughed about. He promised next year the course would be marked more clearly, haha. 

So there's 9 weeks left until the Utah Valley Marathon, and I have A LOT of work to do. I need to solidify my after-work runs (which have been awful lately because of my new work shoes but should be improving soon when they're broken in) but my weekend long runs have been sublime! Running in Montana is equal parts challenging and completely exhilarating. Sunrise runs are my new favorite thing. In fact, sunrises in general are my new favorite things. I'm lucky (?) enough to see the sunrise every morning on my way to work and I'm convinced there is nothing better. So peaceful, and the moment when the western snow capped mountains turn pink is just so beautiful. Sometimes I have to remind myself to watch the road! Haha. 

Anyway I know I just went on a tangent... But I'm super determined and motivated to make these next 9 weeks some of the best training weeks ever. I mean, come on. I live in the most beautiful state ever, I have trails all over that I can run on... Of course it's gonna be amazing! 

I got fooled.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate the fact that my 16 year old sister completely schooled me on April Fools Day. She managed to make me cry from 1,000 miles away. I applaud her. 

I'll just leave these here. 

*disclaimer: I only cuss when I am angry/livid/loathsome. 

I'm myself again.

You guys. Winter was hard. The sun going down at 4:30, the snow falling for days, even weeks on end. Driving was no longer a joy, but a nerve-wracking foray into what could always possibly be my last drive alive. Seriously, my Honda was not made for Montana winters. But you know what? We survived. I survived. I made it through my first Montana winter without sliding off the road, crashing into a ravine, and dying in a fiery crash. Seriously, those were my thoughts every time I drove in bad weather.

The lack of sunlight really got to me. I walked around in a depressed, weary, and very pale state for most of January and February. Actually, we won't even talk about February. February can suck it. March wasn't much better, but it is over and that is all that matters!

So now, as it is what they call"spring time" (in Arizona it goes from not-hot to blazing in a matter of days), the days are getting longer. The birds are singing, singing so much that sometimes on my runs I turn off my music just to listen to the sounds of spring. The sun is giving off warmth for once. It's weird. There's a slight shade of green to some of the fields and lawns, as the grass peeks out from the thawed ground. The deer have little nubbins of new antler growth on their heads. And I am finally able to run outside again without fearing death by frostbite.

Now that I am running again four times a week, I am happy. SO HAPPY. Some runs suck, some runs leave me wanting to sing and laugh and cry all at once. I can run after work, I can run on the weekends. Running outside again gives me this uncontainable joy that carries me throughout the week. I have endless trails and paved paths to explore. Gone are the dark and sad days of winter. It is spring.

And I am myself again.

even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise!

In case you have been living under a rock, the post title comes from the greatest musical of all time, Les Miserables. And no, I am not talking about hard times and finding your way through them. I'm just simply talking about winter.

See, when I told people I was moving to Montana, the majority said "Oh winters up there suck" and "it's way too cold!" and "you're going to get sick of the snow" and I just blew them off. I've lived in Utah, I know what real winters are like. I ain't stupid. Well, one thing about Utah winters are that they are, apparently, about a month shorter than Montana winters.

I swear, every time I move somewhere with notorious winters, they then have the audacity to have the hardest, snowiest, and coldest winter in recent memory. It happened when I moved to Logan (and that one sent me over the edge) and now it's happening again in Montana! So, MT, you're welcome. I have brought you the most snow in years. Yay for less fires this summer!

The Bitterroot Valley is at 140% snow totals for this season. And that is awesome, as it means that the spring and summer are going to be gorgeous. As in, the greenest greens and the most vivid wildflowers and beautiful mountains and canyons. Sigh. It seems impossible now. The thought of anything being green is just laughable. I moved here in late October, just catching the very end of the fall colors. Since then, everything has been brown and grey and dead. I can barely remember what a summer in Montana looks like, since I only experienced it for a short time last July.

However, like the title suggests, even this dark time of winter will end. The sun will shine again for days on end, instead of a couple hours here and there during the week. The two feet of snow in my front yard will melt, to be replaced by green grass and hopefully some flowers (that I might get around to planting). The mountains will be alive again with the new life that is spring, and I can finally get around to exploring the peaks and canyons that I have been staring at all winter. My heart longs for the trails so badly that it's all I can do not to go crazy!

All I have to do is get through March. I have decided that February and March are the worst months of the year in a place such as this. Now, if I had unlimited amounts of money I would buy my own ski gear, get a year pass to Lost Trail, and be there all weekend. My ski lessons from January into mid-February were a real blessing. It gave me something to look forward to during the week, and those lessons allowed me to get some good outdoor time. Oh, and I absolutely LOVE skiing, and feel like I could actually get really good at it. My instructor told me I have a fearlessness that is crucial in downhill skiing. I'm not afraid of going fast, and I have gotten pretty dang good at making sharp turns when I need to. I am so excited to make skiing a regular part of my winters from now on!

I'm only writing this post today because there is a full-on blizzard going on outside. The roads are impossible, making me housebound. Snow days are not all they are made out to be! Haha. The past couple weeks have just been snow on snow on snow, but at least I have gotten excellent at driving in snow and I still appreciate how beautiful freshly fallen snow is. I especially love running in a winter wonderland. I even bought trail shoes to run on the snow and ice with. Still haven't fallen once! I'm going to keep that streak going for as long as I can :)

This post has been super random and brought to you by cabin fever.

YOLO

YOLO- aka the most overused and joked about phrase of 2013. I now use it ironically; turning left at an intersection? "YOLO!" Eating ice cream right after working out? "YOLO!" You get the idea.

You only live once.

Now, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know that I don't just live once (unless you count all of eternity as "once", in which case sure, I guess it applies). We know there is life after this mortal existence. Our Savior has made it so. However, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't live our mortal life to its fullest.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a woman at work and she was lamenting about her broken body, about how she has this list of all of these things that she wished she could do but will never accomplish. Her age and the deconditioned state of her body makes it impossible for her to enjoy even a simple bike ride. To paraphrase her words, "I have always wanted to skydive, to white water raft, to hike the highest mountains I could find. I should have done all of those things while I still could, when I was young and healthy and had the energy. Now, it is physically impossible for me to do any of those things."

This really made me stop and think. How many of us go through life constantly saying "one day"? One day I'll take that trip to Paris. One day I'll raft the Colorado River. One day I'll be in good enough shape to run a half marathon. One day I'll learn the piano. One day I'll volunteer on a regular basis. One day...one day... Well you know what I say to that? YOLO.

Seriously though, think about it. Many of these goals that I mentioned are completely doable, even while raising a family or working a full time job. They just take more planning. I say let's stop dreaming and start doing. What stops us from fulfilling our dreams? Fear? Lack of money or time? Too many commitments? It's something to think about.

The fact that I have always wanted to live in Montana and that I therefore stepped and made it happen makes me even more excited about this topic. I could have easily taken the easy route of staying in Arizona and simply worked and kept doing the same things I had been doing forever. But when the opportunity came for me to pack everything up and move to Montana, I almost didn't even have to think about it before I knew it was going to happen. It was like the dream that I had always wanted to fulfill just kind of clicked into place, and I knew if I didn't do it now, when would I?

I realize I have made it easier on myself to chase my dreams- I am about as single as they come, with no other responsibilities except work and paying bills. I don't have to take care of any children, cook and clean for a household, or fit into anyone else's schedule. I know its a luxury, which is why I am living it up while I can.

The majority of my friends are married, and I am in NO WAY talking down to those who are married or saying my life is better than theirs. Our lives are completely different, but on the same plane, neither one being better or worse. I am just trying to say that please, please don't let your lives get so busy that you let the years pass by without doing the things that you have always dreamed of doing. That is one of my biggest fears in life, is not taking opportunities when they come my way. Start saving up, start planning, whatever it takes. Make it happen. Don't be like the woman at my work who looks back on her life full of regret and wishing. Even though she will have a perfect body and will be able to experience those things in the next life, why wait? This mortal existence is an experience that I like to think is made up of a million little experiences.

Don't just go through life simply existing. Make it about the experience.

Healthy.

Today in Relief Society, we had a lesson on goals. You know, "new year, new you" type of deal.

When the teacher asked what is usually the top resolution for people, about half of the women all responded at once, "lose weight!"

I frowned to myself. Why is this always a goal for women every year? Even women who are well into their 60's and 70's have this goal of losing 20 pounds or fitting into a smaller pair of jeans and all I can think is, why is this always number one on our list?

I believe that instead of having a goal to lose weight, we should have a goal of being healthy. Let me explain the difference.

I didn't think I would share this because of it's kind of personal, but I think it will help people understand why the goal of "losing weight" is so bothersome to me.

I used to have a very low self esteem when it comes to my body, and only until very recently was I still obsessing over it. I had always thought of myself as the fat friend, fat daughter, fat sister, fat everything. I would look at what the bloggers and instagrammers call "fitspo" and even worse, "thinspo", basically pictures of impossibly fit and skinny girls with the caption "perfect" and "can I be her?" and "that thigh gap!" These pictures fed into my obsession over my hatred of my body. I fed into Satan's lies that I would never be good enough for anyone until my body was perfect.

It's such a disgusting and degrading train of thought, and no doubt these thoughts were perpetuated by Satan and his lies. He knows exactly where to hurt us the most, and he knew that I had suffered from low self esteem my entire life.

This past May, I had my first of two foot surgeries. I was sidelined from running for the foreseeable future, and I ate more food out of frustration that I couldn't run anymore. I gained some weight, not more than 10 pounds but on my frame it was enough to make me hate myself more than I ever had. I began to try fasting for a day or two at a time, no doubt egged on by the bloggers on tumblr who bragged about fasting for 50 hours or 4 days or an entire week! After each fast, I would inevitably binge on whatever there was in the fridge, and as I didn't have the willpower or skill to throw it all up, I would feel even worse about myself. Which would make me fast again. This cycle went on for weeks.

I dreaded family vacation in California because I knew I would be so self-conscious the entire time. I just knew that I would wish I didn't have to wear a swimsuit or expose my fat legs or have to suck in my fat stomach all day. I almost didn't want any pictures taken of me because I knew I would look so fat and they would get posted anyway. I spent every night in California looking at thinspo on my phone and wishing, oh wishing that I could have a smaller butt, a flat stomach, and thigh gap. Whenever I saw another woman, the first thing I noticed was whether she had a better body than me, and it would always inevitably lead to self-loathing whenever I was around women skinnier than me. It made life fairly miserable, and socializing was even worse. I became convinced that the reason I couldn't keep a boyfriend or go on many dates is because I was fat.

Throughout the entire summer, I alternated between fasting and drinking only green tea and eating whatever I could get my hands on, all while spiraling downward into self hate and pity. I texted a friend one day, who I knew suffered from the same awful condition that I did, about what she does when the self-hate is so consuming and feels overwhelming. Thank goodness for her example, and I am grateful for her every day. She ended up writing me a beautiful letter, complete with her favorite scriptures for comfort and healing, and some healthy snacks. It helped, for a couple days at least. I was grateful for her understanding and compassion, but I was too self-absorbed to really take her advice to heart.

The day when I knew I had to stop this dangerous cycle, the day I basically hit rock bottom, was one Sunday in late July. I had fasted since Friday night, all through Saturday, and was still going strong until church. That day, I was performing a violin part with a vocal solo, and it was my favorite song and one I had practiced for a long time. I was feeling slightly light-headed and clammy as I led the music for the opening and sacrament hymns, but I wasn't alarmed. It wasn't until I stood up and walked to front of the stand with my violin, ready to play the musical number, that I felt really ill. My vision was black at the edges, I was very dizzy, I could barely hear the piano and vocalist, and I could barely play the music. I made it through the musical number, but not without messing up in places I had memorized before and I couldn't make it through at all without leaning against the barrier/wall on the front of the stand. I feared I would pass out before the song was over.

I ended up leaving church early that day, claiming that I was sick. Yes, I was sick. Sick in the head, mostly. I went home, fell asleep, and still managed to not eat anything that day, continuing to claim that I was sick. I still ended up having a game night that night. So many people at my house! My hearing was going fuzzy, I couldn't concentrate on anything anyone was saying, and I had to sit down nearly the whole time. At the end, when nearly everyone had gone home, I finally ate some food. A piece of string cheese. I knew that I had made a very poor choice that weekend, and I knew that I definitely did not like the feeling of starving myself. I just couldn't do it anymore.

I think that's why I was able to turn it around so quickly. I wasn't so far gone that I had grown to fear food, had grown to love the feeling of being starved, as some people with eating disorders and similar disorders do. It wasn't like that. The common theme of people with eating disorders is that they lack control in every aspect of their life, except food. They can control food to their hearts content. They enjoy the feeling of triumph they get when they feel light-headed from lack of food, when they see the weight loss on the scale, when they can count the number of calories they consumed during the day on one hand.

That was the last time I ever fasted on a day other than Fast Sunday. I thankfully could recognize that I couldn't continue in this way because it was becoming harmful to my mental well-being. I did some research on eating disorders and found that I had some of the symptoms, but not enough to fit into the category of anorexia or bulimia.. This is what they call EDNOS- Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. The research I did was enough for me to realize that I am better than this. I do not need to starve myself to get skinny! Being healthy is SO much more than being skinny. With the help of Christ's Atonement, a close friend's help, scripture study, prayer for strength and healing, I have been able to get past it. I am not completely over it, to be sure. There are bad days, but the good days VASTLY outnumber the bad days, and that's how I know I'm better.

And this takes us back to the beginning of my post. It bothers me that every woman has the goal of losing weight. Can we change that goal to "becoming more healthy" instead? Instead of saying "I want to lose 20 pounds" how about we say "I was to be able to walk a mile or two every day" or "I want to be able to go up the stairs without getting winded" or "I want to drop my cholesterol level". These are measures of health. You could be 175 pounds and be able to run a half marathon, whereas a 115 pound girl could barely run a mile. And that can go either way, obviously. Weight does not equal health.

I am not, however, talking about obesity. Obesity is obviously dangerous and that definitely warrants an exercise program and a healthy diet change. What I am talking about is the average woman, size 8 or 12 or whatever (basically me, size 10 through and through!) who wishes to lose 20 pounds because the media has instilled in her mind that in order to be beautiful, she needs to be a size 2. I call bullshit.

I am working towards being the healthiest I have ever been in my life, and I have some lofty goals for 2014. However, those goals to not include the number "130" or anything related to pounds. If I make the goal to simply eat healthy (working on it), love my body (I'm getting there! It's a daily struggle), and run as many races as I can (already signed up for a half marathon this year!) then the weight becomes something I don't need to worry about. The main thing for me is to be at a healthy weight for my body, to love my body shape, and to figure out ways to always challenge myself to become better.

The end of story is, being healthy, strong, and fit is SO much more important than being the skinniest you have ever been. They can go hand in hand, of course. If you start exercising more and eating more healthy, sure the weight will come off. But don't make that your priority. It can be so damaging and you can begin to be completely obsessed by that stupid little number on the scale.

Being fit can mean different things to everyone. It could mean being able to keep up with your grandchildren. It could mean running your first marathon. It could mean going on short hikes with your loved ones without being left behind. It could mean going for a bike ride with your spouse. It could mean simply moving around more throughout the day.

I just hope that was we make our New Year's Resolutions this year, we focus less on the numbers and more on our quality of life and our health.

How much is that avocado in the window?

Scene: Super 1 Foods in Stevensville, Montana.

There's me, grocery shopping after a long day at work because I have zero food in my cupboard after being away for 10 days for Christmas (which was awesome, btw).

I'm looking at avocados, trying to decide whether it is worth the 98 cents each. A short, black-haired lady is talking loudly next to the apples as she explains to someone nearby the best way to pick out apples. I'm not entirely sure if she works there or is just extremely nosy. She then points at the avocados (and at me, I guess) and says loudly "I am the expert on avocados, you know, because I am Hispanic."

Huh.

She then walks over, nearly shoving me out of the way as I am pondering which avocados I want to adopt, and starts picking up each one in turn and explaining to this other person (another stranger? a friend? I have no idea!) what is wrong with it.

"Too hard, not ripe."
"Too soft, too ripe."
"Too green, not good."
"See how it has a dent in it? Rotten."

Now, I am not afraid to speak up when I have something to say to a stranger. All I wanted to do was give the poor shopper some friendly advice that has worked for me many, many times in the past.

"You know," I say politely, "I always buy the avocados that are hard, place them in a paper bag overnight, and the next day they are perfectly ripe! It's like magic!"

The "Hispanic" woman turns at me so swiftly, and gives me a look so bitchy, that I am completely taken aback.

"That's a myth," she says shortly.

"Um, actually it's not," I say, borderline speechless, "I've been doing it for years. Works every time."

"No, it's a myth. I'm Hispanic, I would know."

I am not a confrontational person. I would rather let someone have their way than argue with them because first of all, I would hate to make a scene, and second of all, there are very few things worth arguing about. I simply say,

"Okay, then."

and walk away. On the outside, I am cool and collected.

On the inside, not so much.

"LISTEN, BITCH. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE HISPANIC DOES NOT GIVE YOU A MONOPOLY ON AVOCADO KNOWLEDGE. I DON'T APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A LIAR, AND I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN I DID NOT MAKE UP THE PAPER BAG TRICK BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT I SAW IT ON PINTEREST. IF I WASN'T IN A GROCERY STORE RIGHT NOW I WOULD HAVE CHEWED OUT YOUR HISPANIC ASS FASTER THAN YOU COULD SAY "YO QUIERO AVOCADO".

But like I said, I am not a confrontational person.

Also, I'm totally serious about the paper bag thing.

Cold.

Things that happen when it is -3 degrees outside during the day-

Ice forms on the windows, inside your house.

Your car won't start without a little complaining.

You stand by the door before you step outside, gathering the courage and remembering that the pioneers had it worse.

Your eyes hurt instantly as soon as they hit the frigid air.

Your water bottle that you accidentally left in the car is frozen solid, as is your ipod and occasionally your iphone.

Fun fact- negative temperatures cause your phone to die within 20 minutes if left in the car.

Going to gym is so much harder, especially when you refuse to wear long pants.

The sun can be shining all day but the temperature does not go up at all. As a woman who grew up in Arizona, I do not understand this at all.

Dreading church because it means exposing your stark white legs to the elements. I have yet to build my Sunday winter wardrobe.

Basically, this cold snap better be over soon because I want my low 30's weather back, please. Low 30's = paradise. Seriously.

Let's be clear- I am not complaining. I don't mind this cold at all, because I am inside all day anyway! And even though this state is trying its hardest to make me hate it, I still love you, Montana. Your mountains are everything to me.

It's a deadly beauty, but I fall more in love every day.

Life is so fantastic.

So many news things, guys! First, I can't remember if I mentioned that my license came through, but it did finally! So i've been working full time now for 3 weeks and I absolutely love it. I'm not sure what I was doing before I had this job, because it is my life now and it's everything I have ever wanted in a job. I work Mon-Thurs and I am totally loving my 3 day weekends :) I get to sleep in past 6 am, and I can go to the gym for as long as I like, and I can watch Netflix to my hearts desire. 

Speaking of, I moved to a new place in another town that's about 12 miles from work. Not bad, by Montana standards! Haha. And I am now living with a roommate in a small two bedroom house. It is a HUGE upgrade from where I was at in Hamilton, and my roommate Meghan is very chill and easy to get along with. But we finally got internet yesterday and I hooked up the Wii to netflix so now my life is complete again. And today I bought a brand new MacBook Pro (which I am typing on right now). I wouldn't have bought it so soon but I received $500 from a contest I entered at Runner's World that I totally forgot about until they notified me that I won! So that went towards my new computer.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was amazing! I didn't go to AZ, rather I made the 4 hour drive to the Great Falls area to spend the holiday weekend with Sydnee and her family (the same family me and Chic visited in July). It was awesome! The weather was perfect the whole time, Thanksgiving dinner was fantastic, and me and Sydnee totally rocked at Black Friday shopping. I got basically a whole new wardrobe at Old Navy because everything was 50% off and it made me go a little crazy. Haha! So worth it. All in all, it was a successful and joy-filled weekend. 

Now I have two weeks until I fly home for Christmas, and then after Christmas I have a ski class that start in January that I am so so so excited for. I've only gone skiing once when I was 16 and I think I remember picking it up pretty fast. I'm in better shape now than I was when I was 16 so I think this will be a really fun experience for me and it will hopefully be the start of a new passion for me. I'm still working on getting back into running, but my feet are still a little reluctant. I'll be doing to bulk of my running on treadmills this winter (I just got a gym membership!) and I am hoping to train for a marathon this summer. I'm shooting for the Big Cottonwood Marathon in September in Utah! I did the half over a year ago and it has been my favorite race.

Well, for the next four or five months I just have to focus on staying warm and enjoying what an actual winter has to offer! I'm so happy to be in Montana and I am not sure what I did to deserve such an awesome life! :)

I hate coming up with titles

Good evening from chilly (okay, freezing) Hamilton, Montana! I am writing this from the library because somehow I have lived without Internet for one month now. One month. Every day I thank my lucky stars that I have an iphone because without it I would be a mess, sad to say.

But, things are about to change! I found a girl on craigslist who needs a roommate for her house (we will each have our own bedroom) and I am moving in this Friday! And joyous news, we will be getting internet in the next couple weeks! I think I might cry from joy. I have been without Netflix for FAR too long. And you can make fun of me all you want, but I love the internet and I love the convenience of it.

My State of Montana PTA license FINALLY came through on Monday. Guess how many times I had to take the stupid jurisprudence exam before I passed? FOUR TIMES. I know. When I got the email saying I didn't pass the third time, I think that was the most mad I have ever been in my life! The test is 25 T/F questions and so they didn't tell me which ones I miss. Okay honestly I'm sick of talking about this...basically, I'm just glad I finally passed. Ugh. So now I have been a practicing PTA for two whole days now, and I am exhausted already. Haha! But I love being busy and I love how tired I am at the end of the day because it means that I have done something worthwhile. It has been over two years since I've worked at any job, and this is my first post-college, big girl job!! And I LOVE IT. The people I work with are amazing and everyone is always looking out for each other. Oh and did I mention how nice the paychecks are? Woof. I am not used to making money at all so this feels reeeaaallly good.

What else...oh, I had to stop running because my left foot hurts so bad, and it doesn't even hurt near any surgery site so that is way confusing. Jocelyn (one of the PTs at work) thought maybe it was just added stress from working plus running, and my foot is not quite used to bearing the weight in that area of my foot yet. All I know is that I am highly frustrated but I guess it came at a good time because it is getting too cold to run outside. Once I get a gym membership next week (FINALLY) then I'll really focus on weight training and using the elliptical and stationary bikes. I have some elaborate plans for racing next summer so I better be able to run soon!

Thanksgiving is next week! Can you believe it!? I am driving over to Great Falls for the holiday to celebrate with Sydnee's family and I am beyond excited. Sure, it'll be my first Thanksgiving away from home but I'm going home for Christmas so I'll be fine. Here's to hoping the weather is good for the drive! This will also be the first year in a long, long time that I can go Black Friday shopping!!! And it'll be the first year I can buy presents for my family! Mostly I need to build up my winter wardrobe, as I have next to no winter clothes. That, and work clothes. I need to basically start from the ground up with work clothes because I don't really have any. How cool would it be if I could wear yoga pants every day like I did when I was in school? Alas, it is slacks and a nice shirt every day. No jeans :( which I fully expected but it still hard! Oh well, it's an excuse to buy new clothes which I haven't done in years anyway.

Well that's about the extent of new things that have happened in the last month. Here's to hoping the next month will be just as great! Who am I kidding, it's ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!

My First Week

So, it's officially been one week since I moved here to Hamilton, Montana. And so far it has ranged from fun to boring to beautiful to frigid and everything in between. I am mostly bored though, because my state license has yet to come through. However, there is an end in sight because all of the paperwork is in the mail as I type this, so I'm hoping by the end of this week my license will become active. Good thing, because I NEED to start working before I go completely mad! Haha. I'll just give you a day to day rundown of my first week...

Wednesday: Arrived in Hamilton around 2:30 pm. Got my keys, made about 20 trips up and down the stairs and attempted to put my stuff away in the limited space that I have. Here's the deal with my apartment- I picked it because it was available immediately. For what I'm getting, the rent is way too high. There is no closet, kitchen sink, microwave (which I realize is rarely included anyway) and zero storage. It's a studio, so I expected it to be a little cramped, but no closet?! Come on! How can someone live?? Haha. So, my clothes are basically still sitting in the garbage bags that I packed them in. Luckily, I recently was able to find another studio down the street with an actual kitchen, a bed, a dresser, and a CLOSET! Not only that, but it is much, much cheaper and totally worth the rent. But, since I had to give 30 days notice (and pay rent for those 30 days) in my current place, I won't move until Thanksgiving weekend. I'm not worried because I can totally handle living without a closet and microwave for another month, as long as I start working next week! haha.

Thursday: Went to visit my work and meet everybody. best experience ever and everyone there is so incredibly nice. I know I made the right choice in coming here, just so I can meet and work with all these awesome people. My boss, Jeff, is LDS and a big time hunter and horseback rider and basically I couldn't be working for anyone better. The rest of the employees are women and I know I will get along with them just fine. I just want to be working RIGHT NOW instead of spending my days at the library or watching movies! haha. After I visited work, I drove the 40ish miles to Missoula. I went to Target and bought some drawers for my clothes and an ice scraper for my car (which I had already needed that morning, haha). I then drove around downtown for a bit, and I had intended to eat at a popular diner but parking wasn't free so I skipped that and came across a Great Harvest and their sandwiches were just what I needed. So good! After that, I drove back home and took a 3 hour nap which I then regretted later. Haha.

Friday: I ran a bunch of errands in the morning, then in the afternoon I went hiking with Lindsay from work. I was kind of worried about not being acclimated yet, and turns out it was just as hard as I knew it would be. haha. It was only an hour long hike, but dang it was steep! It was on the east side of Corvallis and the top rewarded us with fantastic views of the whole valley. I loved it! And it felt good to get out and sweat. Friday night I relaxed and watched movies on my laptop, since I don't have internet. What?! I know. It's new for me. haha.

Saturday: More errands, and I drove up the west side of the valley to find some good views. I didn't really know where I was going exactly but I just followed the map and came across some gorgeous views. The mountains are so bright and vivid this time of year, and I was able to fully experience the fall colors. After that I went running around the downtown area, and I am happy that each run gets easier and easier. Also, no pain from my feet which is a huge blessing!

Sunday: I had looked forward to this day all week! After not being around Mormons (that I knew of) for 3 days I was feeling so deprived, haha. Spoiled! I went to church at 10 am (glorious) and it was the best church I've had in a long time. Everyone came up and introduced themselves to me, and I got offers for Sunday dinner. Everyone also wanted to find me a better place to live after I told them my situation, haha! The Bishop of Hamilton ward is Bishop Rogers, and he is actually the Institute teacher in Missoula! Lucky me! Then, and this was awful, we figured out I was in the wrong ward :( I was supposed to go to Blodgett Canyon ward at noon, but for some reason when I looked up my address on the church website it told me to go at 10 am. I am kind of sad about that because I met SO many cool people in Hamilton ward, especially the Hawkes family who gave invited me over for family dinner and who are taking me to the trunk or treat tomorrow night! Bryan and April both remind me of our family friends the Tonioil's, so basically they are as cool as they come. I think I will end up splitting my time between the singles ward in Missoula and Blodgett Canyon ward (since that is where I'm supposed to be) and I know both wards will be a great experience for me. The Church up here is strong and full of the most amazing people.

Monday: Ran some errands, went running, and didn't do much else. I spent some time at the library (free internet!) and caught up on tv shows. it doesn't help that I'm addicted to a show on Netflix (Pretty Little Liars, don't judge) and I don't have internet at my place. As soon as I move in to my new place, that'll be the first thing I get! Haha.

Tuesday: much of the same, running and library. Haha. Tuesday night I went to an institute class that a married couple does in their home. There was only 3 of us but we had great discussion about the organization and restoration of the Church. Sometimes small settings are the best! I look forward to this every week now.

Today: ran some errands, made some phone calls, and as I type I am sitting in the library. I wonder if the employees here will ever get sick of me? Haha. I may go running later but for now I'm just feeling lazy, the usual.

So basically, everybody pray that I can start work ASAP because I can feel myself slowly starting to lose it. Haha! Being lazy and unproductive isn't so bad when you have people to hang out with, but when it's just me by myself it is straight up unbearable and mostly I just want to start working so I can pay my parents back for all the money they spent to get me up here. That's the only thing keeping me going! So once again, prayers are appreciated.

I know I sound all negative and stuff, but I am so insanely grateful that I have the chance to come up here. I needed to do something totally crazy and different, and I would say this fits the bill. I look forward to all the good times that are to come, and I only hope I am up to the task. Here's to hoping that I find what I'm looking for!

In case you wanted to feel jealous today...

This is where I'm moving to on Monday :)

The Decision...

Y'all remember that one time when (the biggest douchebag in the world) LeBron James had that hours-long ESPN special where he eventually announced his decision about where he was going to play basketball and get paid millions of dollars? Well this is more important, okay?

A couple weeks ago, I had a huge decision to make. Stay in Arizona and make lots of money, or move to Montana, fulfill my dream, save a little less money, but have the time of my life? I'm not entirely sure why it was such a hard decision for me. Probably because there were SO many variables. Eventually, all of the Arizona opportunities fell through and I was left with one choice: move to Montana.

I can't adequately put into words how excited I am. I signed for an apartment yesterday in Hamilton, which is only 10 minutes away from Corvallis (where the physical therapy office is). Now I just have to get up there and get my license active as soon as possible. I am nearly done with the application, and hopefully I can convince them to get my PTA license up and running quickly. I am planning on leaving on Monday the 21st. As in, less than 6 days from now. Womp.

I need to furnish an entire apartment in the first couple weeks that I am up there. I plan on sleeping on an air mattress until I can find a bed. Hopefully I can find a hot Montana boy to do all the hauling for me :)

Okay but in all seriousness, I am putting dating and getting married a little lower on the totem pole of priorities for a while. Basically I am not expecting much for now because I just have no idea what to expect. If I am meant to meet somebody, then I will. This I do know, there are not a lot of single, LDS women my age in that area, and this puts my odds very high :) My friend Amber (who is awesome enough to give me a ton of kitchen stuff for free!) said she wouldn't be surprised if I was the hottest girl up there. Haha I'm not setting the bar too high, but we'll see! I'm excited to make friends in the ward and hopefully some families will take me in as their own! Montanans are the most humble, nicest, and down to earth people I have ever met. I am so excited to get to know them.

Anyway, these last few days in Arizona will consist of packing, making sure my car is in top shape (we don't want a repeat of this summer's Montana trip) and making sure I see everyone before I go. I am so excited to start this new chapter of my life and I am definitely looking forward to bringing everyone along on my journey through this blog! Here's to the city girl in a small town...

new shoes and my first RUN!!

So, Monday was a great day. I got cleared by my doctor to start running again! Only problem is my old running shoes were so run down that I knew I need new ones. After a lot of sad puppy dog faces to my mom and promises of paying her back once I get a job, I was allowed to go buy a brand new pair of my beloved Mizuno Wave Riders. My mom couldn't quite understand the need for new shoes though, which led to some hilarious (to me) conversations.

Mom: "But you already have a pair of perfectly good shoes."

Me: "The cushioning is worn out and that can cause injuries."

Mom: "Who even replaces shoes every 5 or 6 months, anyway?"

Me' "Any runner with a brain. Shoes don't last more than 500 miles at most."

Mom: "A lot of people run in old shoes all the time."

Me: "A lot of people are also idiots."

Chic: (after I had already bought the new shoes) "Um, those are exactly the same as your old shoes."

Me: (face palm) No duh. Because they are a great shoe and I want to run in them again."

Honestly if I was talking to other runners they would totally get it, but even after watching me train for and run 2 marathons, 5 half marathons, and several relays you'd think my family would get it! Haha.

So yesterday, I headed out for my first real run, post-surgery. I have two new feet, might as well break them in like I break in new shoes.

I'm not gonna lie, it sucked.

I haven't ran a single mile since early March, and now that my feet are completely different than they were back then, my body is not only not used to running at all, it isn't used to my new body mechanics. My right foot (the one they fixed in May) felt great, only little tinges of discomfort here and there but not any pain. My left foot (2 months out from surgery and the one that has caused me a lot of grief) didn't know what was happening. The pain wasn't too awful but it was enough to where I think it showed on my face. If my foot could talk, it would probably say "stop, idiot."

BUT, I was able to get through about a mile of walking a little and running a bit more. I came home and had to head off to a choir practice and wouldn't you know it, my left foot was throbbing for most of the night. I honestly think my foot just needs to get used to being pounded over and over again. Haha.

Today I ran again. Two miles, this time. And it went much, much, MUCH better. I think I ran more than I walked and there was A LOT less pain than yesterday. I figure that the more I run, but still keep the intensity low, the better I will feel. I won't be doing any speed work soon, nor will I be doing any sort of high mileage for a while. But I think that high frequency, low intensity is the key here. My feet just simply need to get used to pounding and pushing off harder than if I were walking.

The way things have improved even between yesterday and today, I see no problem with running the turkey trot on Thanksgiving, which is a little less than two months from now. By that time, my right foot will be over 6 months out, and my left will be 4 months out. With the way my right foot feels NOW at 4 months out, I'm really excited to see how they will react to racing again.

This is just the beginning of the greatest time of my life!! So many great things happening soon :)

Good, Better, Best.

Job hunting has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I have had a couple interviews, but so far they have ended in disappointment. Until yesterday. I received a call from an outpatient clinic in Montana- yes, my dream state and the place I have wanted to live for as long as I can remember. From what he told me, this is the perfect job, minus the whole 1,000 miles away from home part. So I got all excited! Last night I was convinced that I was moving there, and that it would finally be a dream come true! Yeah, I'd probably end up living in a trailer or something, and yeah, I could possibly be setting myself up to be an eternal spinster by moving to a small town, but at the same time I was ready for an adventure.

Then this morning, I had an interview at an office in Gilbert. Right down the street from my house, in a beautiful clinic with an awesome staff of mostly LDS people. The man I interviewed with seemed very positive about taking me on, even though I was completely upfront about the Montana position. He understood, and told me he was in no rush, and to think about it. All of a sudden, my feelings and priorities changed. I could make much more money if I stayed in Arizona and took this job. I could potentially pay off my students loans much more quickly. I could even begin saving money (something totally unheard of for me).

So now it is a choice between two excellent things. On one hand, my dream location. Montana. The mountains and small towns are thing that I daydream about on a regular basis. I know for most people, it doesn't sound ideal or appealing at all, but dang it, I am not most people! I have dreamed about living in a small rural town for as long as I can remember. When else will I have the chance to just up and move to where ever I want? So do I follow my heart, and do what I've always wanted to do?

On the other hand, staying in Gilbert. I could be responsible, save money, pay off student loans, be close to family, and continue to live in the state that I love dearly but sometimes hate at the same time. I hate that nothing changes here. I left for two years and came back, and nothing changed. So do I follow my head, and the logic that tells me I need to be a real adult now and take responsibility for my life?

This is what is plaguing me, this battle between my heart and my mind. I've never had to make such a huge life decision before. And making a pros and cons list doesn't help me much, because "mountains" will always beat "money" for me.

I am hoping to hear back from the Gilbert place in a couple days, and if they offer me a job I don't think I'll be able to turn it down. But at the same time, will I wish for the rest of my life that I had taken the job in Montana? Even if only for a couple years? These are the things that keep me up at night, so if anyone has some good advice/bits of wisdom for me, that would be greatly appreciated!

That Big Hole in the Ground

The Grand Canyon. I sometimes forget about the this big hole in the ground. I drive by the turn-offs to the south and north rims every time I drive to Utah. It wasn't until this weekend that I was able to fully appreciate the beauty and grandeur that is the Grand Canyon. 

I have a friend who is super adventurous, and he hikes the GC a couple times a year. I would have joined in a heart beat if I still wasn't recovering from my last foot surgery. As it is, I volunteered to be a driver, to get the car from the north rim to the south while the hikers traversed 24+ miles of unforgiving desert. 

Friday morning, I left with the first group and we headed up to the north rim. Arriving at about 5 pm, we decided to do a short hike from the campsite to the grand lodge. Now, since my surgery 6 weeks ago I haven't walked any long distances, and any walking I've done was on concrete and flat ground. I wasn't so sure about an almost 3-mile round trip on dirt and rocks and tree roots, but surprisingly the more I walked the better my foot felt! The lodge is beautiful! It is situated literally right at the edge of the cliff, and in the large front sitting room there are three huge bay windows with the most breathtaking views of the canyon. I could have sat on those couches all day. There's also a sitting area outside with more chairs, all facing the canyon. I would have given anything to sit there and just relax and read a good book. 

Shortly after dark we headed back to the campsite. Since there wasn't much to do and we didn't have firewood and it was quickly becoming freezing cold, we made our beds and attempted to sleep. All I can say is I wish I had brought a foam pad and another blanket to put on top of my sleeping bag! I was freezing most of the night, even all bundled up in my clothes, and although I'm used to sleeping on the ground I guess I'm getting old because I could not get comfortable! Haha. As it was, not much sleep was had by anybody that night, especially the other group because they arrived at around 1 am. 

Morning dawned cold and a little foggy. The 5 hikers seemed nervous but excited to get going. After packing up camp, we all drove the short distance to the Kaibab Trailhead. After some pictures and a prayer, they were off! I was almost nervous seeing them go. I know how dangerous the canyon can be, but I also had no doubt they would all make it out to other side in one piece. 

Stephanie (the other driver) and I hiked a short distance down the trail to get a glimpse of the canyon, but the trail was in the trees for some distance so we decided to drive to the lodge instead. Once there, we hiked out to Bright Angel point (half mile round trip) and enjoyed the amazing views. 

Around mid morning we left the north rim (which I was really sad to leave, it is gorgeous!) and arrived in Jacob's Lake. Of course I had to buy a cookie (or two) and we also needed to fill up on gas for the journey to the south rim. Since Stephanie hadn't really been to any of the popular stops along the way, I took on the job of tour guide. We stopped at some good lookout spots and then at Navajo Bridge which has awesome views of the mighty Colorado as it winds its way towards the GC. The river was as muddy as I have ever seen it, no doubt to all the rains in recent weeks. 

After Navajo Bridge, there aren't any more scenic spots so we set our sights on the south rim. When we arrived around 2 pm, it was already fairly crowded. We stopped at some of the early lookout spots, and even braved the crowds at the Grand Canyon Village. Around 5, we decided to get to Bright Angel Lodge and Trailhead and await our hikers. The walkie talkies that we had finally worked when we were at the trailhead, and they told us they were at what was called 3-Mile House. Another hour or so and they'd be out! 

Once Luke got cell service, he texted me and said him and Dave were behind the other three, as they were both having a rough time. Stephanie and I hiked down the trail a short way so we could see the switchbacks and watch for the other 3. We cheered them on when we saw them, then hiked the rest of the way out with them. Another hour or so later, the last two straggled out. They were both miserable but happy to be out. 

After showers for the hikers, a meal in the small town just south of the park, and lots of caffeine for me, we were finally on our way home. I was exhausted but somehow we all made it home in one piece, arriving around 1:15 am. 

Even though all I did was drive, I still had a total blast! Steph and I had fun exploring both rims and pretty much just being tourists. The crowds of foreigners were crazy but very interesting. I heard a lot of different languages, mostly French. Anyway, here's a picture dump! 

Job Searching equals HELL

So I am convinced that AZ is at it's worst in September. It still feels like summer, but it's not quite fall. It is still blasted hot, and there's not even a chill at night. It makes me reminisce about Utah's September. The colors are starting to change and the nights are perfect. There are good things about Utah and good things about Arizona, and I'm having a hard time deciding where I want to be now. I'm not gonna lie. I miss Utah. I mostly miss running there. That state has all of my favorite races.

I'm still in the middle of job searching, and can I just say that IT SUCKS. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't get on top of it. The majority of jobs that are available are either traveling jobs (not out of the question) or jobs in skilled nursing facilities, which I am convinced I will hate every waking second of working there. But I actually have no idea because I've never been in one. Who knows? I definitely do not want to work weekends or Sundays, which is why I've really been trying to get into an outpatient setting. The hours are set, and I've always been more interested in sports/orthopedics anyway. I did have an interview at an awesome clinic in Gilbert (inside Mountainside Fitness!) but they decided they wanted to go with a PT because they needed somebody to cover for the hours that the other PT is there. Forgive me if I'm wrong but ISN'T THAT THE POINT OF A PTA?! As a PTA, I am a valuable tool in growing clinics. I can see patients that the PT has already evaluated, producing a higher patient load while lowering costs. I swear, some people are sadly misinformed or just have no idea what the role of a PTA is. It drives me crazy.

The only thing I can do is keep moving forward. I have applied in many states, given my name and resume to as many recruiting agencies as I can, and still have come up with nothing. The one job offer I had wanted me to work every or every other Sunday. I can put up with a lot of things, but losing my Sunday is not an option. I have told myself from the very beginning that I would never work on Sundays. I had to once during my clinical and I felt dirty and just miserable all day.

Am I being too picky, or is I own personal happiness more important? Should I just take any job I can get (even if I will be miserable every day) or should I hold out for the job that I want? These are the questions that keep me up at night!!!!